Some thoughts

My husband leaves again on Monday. I am not looking forward to it. I struggle so much when he is gone. Not looking forward to the struggle within myself, with my kids, with handling life issues on my own. Yes, he is only a phone call away, but it is not the same. I want to focus on the good in this situation. But my heart just aches when he is gone. Life has thrown us some curve balls. This is definitely one of them.

I am thankful my husband has a job. I am thankful he is healthy and able to work. I am thankful he has a mind that is full of ideas, dreams and wisdom. I am thankful he loves me. I am thankful he loves our kids. I am thankful he is willing to sacrifice time with his family to work towards providing for our dream. I am thankful for his perspective and outlook on life, our situation, our future. When I want to throw in the towel because we have hit a roadblock, he reminds me that God has a plan in all things.

I struggle right now with God's plan and purpose in this separation. Not fully sure of the good in it. My faith and trust in God has been tested often while walking through this. It has been tested to the point of questioning God's love, concern and care for my family. My kids need their dad as a constant presence in their life. Especially in this time of life; a teen daughter, two preteen boys and a young boy who all need their dad's guidance. I realize God is their ultimate Father, but having their earthly father active in their life is so crucial.

My husband is my dearest and best friend. My confidante. He is the one who "gets" me, understands me, accepts me, encourages me like no one else can. I have felt very alone and stressed to the max with all that is being tossed my way. I do lean heavily upon the arms of Jesus. I stand upon His promises. I believe, although right now it feels pretty weak. I am waiting, (not so patiently) for God to come through on some things. I know He is faithful. I have seen Him move in some awesome ways and bless us in ways only He can. I have seen Him answer prayers that were not even spoken but just a desire in my heart. I have seen Him come through in miraculous ways. I desire to see it again and again and again.

It says in Revelation 12:11 that we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. I need to overcome some obstacles in my life. I need some victories to be won, battles to be fought on my behalf. I believe there are some things going on in the heavenlies that are holding up my blessing. I believe some battles are being fought for my blessing. God knows my strength remains in Him. He knows the battles are ones I am willing to fight but that I am weary and worn. He knows my heart struggles and discouragements. He knows my mind battles. He knows.... Right now He is choosing to be silent through a lot of this and I am walking blindfolded. But He has my hand. And right now I will cling desperately to His.

My husband and I will make it through. We will cross over the hurdles and maneuver the bumps along the way. We will keep moving forward in pursuing our dreams, believing God is making the way for them to be realized. We will allow His hand to guide us and His arms to hold us. We will trust in His love for us, our marriage, our children. We will continue to call each other often, pray for each other daily and miss each other desperately. We will find creative ways to communicate our love for one another. And one day we will look back on this season and see how God sustained us through each day. We will see the growth in our lives, in our marriage. We will share the testimony and know that the sacrifices were all worth it. I pray it will be soon.

"But they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die." ~ Rev. 12:11 NET