Being Hungry

My husband and I have decided to get healthier. A few weeks ago we embarked on a weight loss program. We eat five small but healthy meals a day. Some days I do really well and feel no hunger at all. Other days, not so lucky. I am starving, not literally, but those of you that have ever gone on a diet know what I am talking about. The days I work out seem to be the worst.

Sometimes I feel like that spiritually. There are days when I am full and doing well. And than there are days I am so hungry that nothing I eat seems to satisfy me. There are days when I am satisfied by His word. I have been given something I can chew on throughout the day and grow my spiritual muscles. Maybe that is why I have been walking in the valley lately, to grow my spiritual muscles. Can't say that I feel strong spiritually. But, I believe I will be able to feel and see the difference in time.

There are days when I need more than His word. I need to listen to some good worship music, or some good solid preaching. Some days I just need to sit at His feet and listen, not say anything but let Him speak to me. I have had quite a few times lately of being in my car alone and God has let me know He is there. I am crying my eyes out, wiping the tears or yelling, yes, yelling at God about my life. (Like He doesn't already know) And He gently but firmly reminds me to "Be still and know that He is God."

I think God gives us those times of hunger so that we will search for Him. He really is the only one who can satisfy us and meet us where we are. Sometimes I think He shows Himself a little more and yet holds back so we will want more. He knows how to relate to us. He knows what makes us long for Him. He knows just how much to give us.

There is a song my husband and I sing sometimes by Israel Houghton called "I Will Search". The chorus goes, " I will search for You and I will find You. I will find You, with all my heart. I will lift my hands to You in worship. And I will worship, with all my heart." God wants us to search for Him, to seek Him and find Him with all our hearts. He wants us to worship Him in our daily lives by living for Him. He wants us to worship Him with all we have, all we are.

I continue to be amazed by His grace and His awesome love for me. I hope I will always have a hunger for Him. I don't want to get used to the feeling, but I want it to be uncomfortable so that I pursue Him to fill me.

I believe my husband and I will met our goals. We are determined to get healthy. I may get used to feeling hungry physically but spiritually I don't want to.

Weekend events and life choices

This past weekend was full of excitement and celebration for us. We celebrated with a young couple as they joined together in marriage and we got a puppy. Two totally different occasions, I know, but both life changing. Our friends that got married had a fun and touching ceremony. The bride looked gorgeous in her strapless white gown and yellow shoes and the groom looked dapper in his black tux, yellow tie and white chucks. It was full of their individual personalities. They shared their own written vows; his written on his iphone, hers written on a piece of paper. At the end they danced down the aisle. The reception was full of fun, laughter and lots of food. It was a sweet time of fellowship and joy. My boys had the best time dancing and showing off their moves. One even caught the garter, (help me Jesus, he's only 10)! My daughter enjoyed catching up with friends and planning for her big day (many years down the road, she is 11). It was sweet. I love seeing two people that you know God has brought together, solidify their union before others. It is a wonderful thing to witness.

Now, the puppy. My husband and I have debated about getting a dog for quite some time. We live in an apartment and our living space is already full. But we knew our kids wanted one and felt they were at good ages to accept the responsibility that comes with having a puppy. Last week we actually spent time looking at different breeds on the internet and narrowing it down to ones we thought would work well for us.

At the wedding we had a friend that showed us the most adorable pups. Her dog had pups 6 weeks ago and they had two left. She asked if we wanted one. Hmm...... We talked about it and ended up checking them out that evening. We fell in love with one and decided to have him join our family. He has become a perfect fit. He is getting used to us and we are getting used to him. We are working out his schedule of eating, sleeping, going potty, etc. The kids are loving having him around.

I realize that weddings and puppies are not two things that you would put together. But they both have a profound affect on your life, good or bad. The choice is really yours. Everyday is a decision to honor your spouse, to love, cherish and respect the one you choose to live with for the rest of your life. Every morning you wake up with a choice to prefer your spouse over your self, to give of yourself. You may let them have the last piece of chocolate cake or make sure the coffee is ready before they leave for work. You may make sure the dry cleaning was picked up or the clothes they need are clean, folded and put away. You may make their favorite dinner, bring home their favorite flower or leave a note for them to find during the day. There may a time when you have to choose to say something encouraging or nothing at all. But it is a choice to daily give of yourself.

With our puppy, I have chosen to train him, to feed him, to take him for walks. I have chosen to bring him into our home and make him a part of our family. Taking care of him will be something I do on a daily basis. Loving my husband is something I do on a daily basis. Serving Jesus is something I do on a daily basis. Do you see where I am going with this? There is so much more to life than we realize. So much more to getting married, serving Jesus, having and raising children, getting a pup. There is so much more to getting up everyday and going to work, taking your kids to school, getting coffee at the local coffee shop. There is so much more to getting groceries, going to church, working out at the gym. Our lives are a living testimony of our Savior. Every step we take is ordered by Him, if we let it be. Every breathe we take is ordained by Him. Every thought we think is known by Him. Every deed we do is looked upon by Him.

Life is all about living. It is about waking up each morning and realizing God gave you the day to live. It is about giving, sharing, loving. Life is about choices. Choices that reflect Who we serve. Every decision we make reflects our heart. I pray my choices reflect my Savior. I pray my husband and children, even my pup will see Jesus in me. I pray my friends and those I come in contact with daily see Jesus in me. That is my hearts desire.

So today as you live the life God has given you; I pray you will take a bigger step, breathe a deeper breath and reach out to those around you.

Counting it all joy....

My bible reading today included the first chapter of James. Now, let me just say that James is not one of my favorite books of the bible because well, it's in your face. I am not an in your face kind of person. But I love God's word and know He ordained each and every verse, chapter and book to be included. He had a lot to tell us, to challenge us with and to help us grow as His people.

James 1:2,3 says "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience" Verse 4 continues with, "But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." We may think to ourselves when reading these verses, "What?" But God does have a plan for the trial. He knows that as we walk through the trial, that our faith will be tested. In the testing, our faith produces patience. But He doesn't stop there, He goes on to say, to let patience have it's perfect work. Can I get another "What?" It is against our human nature to let patience do anything! Just think of the times you are in a hurry and in heavy traffic, in line at the grocery store with one, maybe two checkers, etc. Yeah, God has a sense of humor.

He loves us so much though. He wants us to get to the place where we can see our trial as a blessing. This is so against our natural thinking. But that is where having the mind of Christ comes in. Spending time in His presence, reading His word, spending time with other believers, attending a healthy church on a regular basis. Even those times when we give of ourselves; Whether through volunteering in our local church on some level, making dinner for a family, helping a neighbor who is in need, helping someone we work with; giving of our time, our resources. Whatever God has placed on our hearts to do, we need to follow through with it and DO IT! Because in this, we are not only helping someone else, we are helping ourselves.

God is so faithful. He loves us enough to get us where He sees we are to be. He wants us to walk fully in the calling He has placed upon each one of our lives. He wants us to be a blessing to EVERYONE we come in contact with.

The trials are to make us better, not bitter. The trials are the testimony of God's goodness to the world. He does help us through, if we let Him. If we will allow God's peace to flood our hearts and minds. If we will allow His grace to walk us through. These are the times we need to cling to His hand and trust.

I need to admit that I am "preaching" to myself. But I want to testify that my God is faithful, He has carried me through so much. I have a testimony in the test. I have learned in spite of it all, He loves me, more than I can even imagine or grasp. Be encouraged, God does have a plan and a purpose for the trials. Keep treading the water, keep breathing through your nose, keep taking the next step. Keep going, don't stop!

I want to end with James 1:17, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. "

Be encouraged my friend. He does have good things for you.

Today....

Today has not been a good day for me. I don't know why. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, I am breathing. I was able to get up this morning and attend church. I even got to see some family that is in town visiting. But my heart is heavy. I am not sure if it is because of the season I am in and learning to be content. Maybe it is because I am tired after just 5 hours of sleep. Maybe it is hormonal,( you know us women :).

I was looking through some old pictures today of a few years ago and remembering our life than. It was good. We had a beautiful home, a thriving business, my kids were healthy, my husband and I were leading worship together at a growing church. I was also busy finishing my bachelors degree in music performance. Our lives were busy, full and blessed. And than, things changed. One by one God began allowing things to be taken from my life. We lost our business, our home and decided to step down from ministry. Thankfully I still had my kids and husband. But honestly, I felt like Job. It was probably one of the darkest times in my life.

Eventually we started getting back on our feet. We moved into town, closer to the University I was attending, my husband got a good job with a friend and my kids got adjusted to living in a duplex. It seemed to be working out. Inside I was so wounded, angry and frustrated with God. I really thought he had left me and my family to fend for ourselves. But deep down in my heart I knew God was with me through it all.

I learned to daily lean on Him. To truly take each day at a time and to let Him be my daily bread; my living word. I had to trust that He would supply my need for that moment. It's a hard thing to walk through, especially in the society we live in. Trusting God is not popular, easy or something "everyone wants to do." Even in the Body of Christ. It was a hard lesson and one I continue to struggle with. But I look back and see God's faithfulness. I see His mercy and His grace. I see that even though my dreams and desires have been put on hold, they are not being denied. It is just a process. Really that is what life is, a process.

Ten months ago my family and I moved to the lower forty eight from Alaska. We drove all the way from Fairbanks, Alaska through Canada and into Washington state. It was a step of faith we took, believing God all the way. The drive was amazing. We drove through the Alaskan and Canadian Wilderness. We passed through mountains with windy roads, tall trees and huge lakes. We saw black bears, eagles, moose, lynx. It was lots of driving, along with lots of prayer and listening to worship music. It was a memorable time in all of our lives. I marked that drive as a new chapter in my life. A break from the old and beginning the new. A new season.

Once in Washington, we settled down and got adjusted to the change in our life. We moved into an apartment, my husband found a job, the kids got adjusted in school. We made new friends, new memories and experienced new adventures. Some things are still the same. But I know underneath it all God is working all things together for my good. I know He will make a way where there seems to be no way and He will give me the desires of my heart; for ministry, for my family and even those deep things that mean so much to me, only He knows.

I will continue to move forward and remember the "memorials" from the past, trusting God through it all. Maybe I just needed to share my story to give someone else hope. The trial doesn't last forever. It is only a season. My living through the trial is my testimony. My testimony that speaks volumes to others who are going through.

So, I will push through the "funk" I am in and enjoy the day God has given me to live. I will enjoy my kids stories and watch them run and play. I will laugh at my husband's silly jokes and listen to his encouraging words. I will be thankful for the ability to walk, run, see and hear. I will lift my hands and worship the One who created me and gave me this life to live. And I will remember, but most of all I will look forward and believe God's best for my life.

Communication

Sometimes it is hard to put in words what needs to be said. This is a real struggle for me as I am not the best at verbal communication. I can hardly finish sentences sometimes. Silly, I know. But communication has always been a struggle for me. Thankfully my children and husband do not seem to suffer from this syndrome. Our home is filled with lots of talking, laughter, singing, and at times some shouting.

I am so thankful my Savior does not have a hard time communicating with me. He knows very well how to get my attention and make me listen. Yes, sometimes He needs to make me listen.

Yesterday is a very good example. I was having a really good pity party, and God chose to show me very clearly that He does have all things under control. Our financial situation has been very tight lately and I was frustrated over the way things were "not" happening in our lives. God very plainly placed a gift in our laps. All I could do was weep. I was overcome by God's goodness and mercy in my life.

As I was driving to my son's school for an afternoon of volunteer work, God spoke so clearly to me and said "Rest, I have this all taken care of. Stop striving!" Now, He has spoken this to me in the past few months several times. Obviously I had forgotten (AGAIN!) and needed a good reminder. Once again my eyes filled with tears and I wept on my drive. I asked the Lord to forgive me and help me to take my hands off the situation.

Later that evening as my husband and I were sitting in church, the Lord washed His love over me once again. The music and exhortation spoke to my deepest being. The word that was brought forth was so timely. I was in awe and humbled by God's ways. He spoke a word so direct to me that I was blown away.

I am so thankful that even though I may not always be able to get the right words out, God knows the deepest part of me. He knows it all, and He loves me so deeply. Even when we aren't so good at listening or getting our "point across", He knows. He created us. He has good, no, great things in store for us. He wants to take us higher and deeper in Him. He wants us to succeed and move forward. He wants us to live life FULLY and at peace. Most of all though, He wants us to rest and allow Him to do the work. He wants to fight the battle, He wants to take care of our business and deal with our mess.

He is the great communicator. What is He saying to you today? Listen and heed His call.

We will overcome....

This past weekend, my family and I took a road trip. We drove through mountains and farmland to get to our destination. We crossed over the Columbia River and passed many lakes along the way. It was a beautiful and peaceful drive, even in a car packed full of kids and "stuff" to keep them entertained.

We arrived at our destination and were so blessed to spend time with some dear friends we haven't seen for well over 10 years. We all attended the same Bible College in Ohio in the 90's. Our weekend was filled with laughter, stories from our time at Bible college and catching up on the past 14 years of life. We both have been on a spiritual roller coaster. It was good to know that my family and I are not alone on the journey we have chosen.

We also got to help them on a music project they are working on. Sunday we all had the opportunity to lead worship together at their church. It was an amazing time and God touched peoples hearts. I was so blessed to be a part of God's plan for that particular Sunday morning service.

My weekend was a time of refreshing and blessing. Our family has been hit with some hard situations lately. My faith has wavered and my trust in God's goodness has definitely been tested. I have battled fear, depression, anger, resentment; all towards the One who created me. I am coming out, moving forward and lifting my hands higher. I am trusting in God's word. All of His promises are Yes and Amen. I am singing a new song and listening with a more tender heart. I know my Redeemer lives and He will stand on the earth. ( Job 19:25) I know He is faithful and that He knows the end of my beginning.

I am so thankful for my dears friends, for their encouragement and belief in the gift God has given me. I am thankful for the opportunity to minister to God's people and His belief in His creation (me). I am thankful for a husband that loves me beyond who I am and believes in all God has placed inside of me. I am thankful for my precious children and their love for me. I am thankful my Savior sees beyond the mess in my life and knows the plans He has for me. He has plans to prosper me, plans that give me a hope and a future. (Jer. 29:11) I am overwhelmed by God's goodness. He truly is an awesome God.

On the way home my youngest son was listening to his MP3 player. One of his favorite songs is "Trading my sorrows". He was listening to this song over and over again while singing for all of us to hear, "I'm trading my sorrows, I'm trading my shame, I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord........ yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes Lord...... Amen!" What a wonderful reminder for me to hear from the lips of my 5 year old son.

Lord, I am trading all of my sorrows, my shame, my sickness and pain. I am laying it ALL down for the joy (unspeakable and full of glory) of the Lord. But most of all Father, I say YES. Yes, to the life that You have destined for me to live. Yes, to the ministry that You have entrusted me with. Yes, to living a life that is for You and about You. Yes, to a life that may have some huge mountains and deep valleys along the way but ultimately leads to eternal life with You! Yes, to being an overcomer and enduring to the end.

There is a song that has been in my spirit for some time, a part of it says; "We will overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, everyone, overcome." I want to be an overcomer in this life. Do you?

"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony...." Rev. 12:11

Beauty for ashes

When I was thinking of a name for my blog, I wanted it to have a reference to music somehow. Music is such a huge part of my life. It always has been since I was a little girl. My husband came up with the name "A Beautiful Melody".

Let me just say, my life at times is anything but a beautiful melody. It has been full of some very painful things. But the beauty has come from going through and coming out on the other side of the pain. Just the other day I was thinking of the verse that says God gives us beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness. ( Is 61:3, paraphrased) I love the Message version, it says, ".... give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit." And than at the end of Isaiah 61, it says, "So the Master, God, brings righteousness into full bloom and puts praise on display before the nations." How incredible is that?

So through the process of my trial, it is important for me to learn to praise Him. I must learn to praise Him, for the purpose of bringing Him glory for others to see. I guess that is His purpose in my life right now. It has not been an easy thing for me to learn.

But I have a promise of Him, (my Father God), giving me, (His daughter), a bouquet of roses instead of the ashes from my burnt sacrifice. He is giving me a praising heart instead of a languid and weak spirit. He brings righteousness to full bloom and displays praise before all nations. I realize God shows His glory in creation. But we are His greatest creation ever. Yes, the rocks will cry out. How much more should I?

So, I say all of that to say this..... I desire my life to always be a beautiful melody for my Lord. I desire for my life to be a testimony of His goodness, His grace, His faithfulness and most of all His beauty.

The beginning...

I got the idea of blogging while on a trip last year with a good friend. We were on the plane coming back from Paris. I had just read the book "Julie & Julia" and was inspired by the author's challenge for herself, to try all of Julia Child's recipes from her french cookbook in one year and than blog about it.

I thought to myself, "I could blog, I have tons of stories to tell!" But than I thought, "who would want to read them?" So, I dropped the idea. But it came back to me again and again. After about 6 months, I mentioned it to my husband. Talking with him about it, made it seem like an important thing for me to do. So, being the wonderful husband that he is, he set me up with my very own blog page. Thank you honey!

My goal with this blog is to be encouraging, thought provoking and honest. I want to share about my life, my relationship with God, my family and ministry testimonies. I desire to be real about my ups and downs, my victories and struggles. Mostly I want to be a blessing to others who need a little push, a word of encouragement or a good cry.

I hope you will enjoy my entries. God bless you for taking time out of your busy life to read a little about mine.