God so loved the world, that He gave.... Merry Christmas!

"For a child has been born - for us! the gift of a son - for us! He'll take over the running of the world. His names will be: Amazing Counselor, Strong God, Eternal Father, Prince of Wholeness." Isaiah 9:6 MSG

This has always been one of my favorite "Christmas" verses. I love the hope it gives. I have needed hope lately. This Christmas has been a struggle in some ways, yet a wonderful blessing in others. Funny how an experience in your life can be both a blessing and a struggle. But I guess that is one of life's many mysteries. I realize that hope is one of the best gifts God has given us in His son. It says in Proverbs 13:12, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life." The Message Bible says, "Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around. " (Prov. 13:12) I have lived that out. I have had my heart broken over something and felt so hopeless in a situation and than something will glimmer in the darkness. God will move in a small way and I will see hope.

We all need hope. Only Jesus can bring us the hope we need.

I am so thankful that He came to give me hope. He was born in a stable, the lowliest of births. He was born among farm animals, in a place that wasn't sterile or safe and it probably smelled. His earthly dad was a carpenter and his mom, a young woman that God chose to bring Life into the world. His background isn't glamorous or grand. His parents were simple, regular people that believed in miracles. His siblings didn't really understand their older brother, might have even thought he was weird. He learned his earthy father's trade while studying the ways of His heavenly father. He knew Who He was and why He came. He knew His purpose. And when the time was right, He stepped into the fulfillment of His calling.

~He became our Amazing Counselor. He came to be our advisor, to lead us and guide us in this life we live. He came to give us wisdom needed, to navigate through the hardships, the struggles, the confusion. He came to live out His Word so that we can follow in His footsteps.

~He became our Strong God. He became our Rock, our Fortress, our Strength. He came to fight our battles for us and to give us victory. He came to be our testimony. We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. He came to be our Mighty Warrior.

~He came to be our Eternal Father. He is the One who was, who is and who is to come. He is the beginning and the end. The Alpha and the Omega. He knows our end before our beginning. He spoke and the world came to be.

~He came to be our Prince of Wholeness. (I love this one!) In Him, we are whole! He came to complete us. He is not broken or damaged or impaired in any way. When we come to Him with our brokenness, damaged soul and impaired mind He makes us complete. He takes all the "stuff" and makes it perfect.

As you celebrate this blessed holy day with your family, remember that there is so much more to the story than His birth. He came to bring us life eternal. He came so that we could live an abundant life. He came so we could share with others what He has done for us. He came to give us victory, hope, peace, joy!

"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son....." John 3:16 MSG

Merry Christmas!

Thanksgiving 101

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I love it for several reasons. The first reason being it is a day focused on giving thanks to the One who gave us so much. Another reason I enjoy this day is the opportunity to get together with family and friends. And than of course the menu is usually pretty amazing.

For the past several years, I have put out a basket on our dinning room table called the blessing basket. I strongly encourage my family to write down things they are thankful for each day. I have them do this through the month of November till Thanksgiving. At our family Thanksgiving dinner we read them out loud. I love this tradition and feel it gets my kids to thinking about things they are truly thankful for. I wanted to share some things that were written down in our blessing basket.

Music, my mom, my D.S., oxygen, food, our dog, turkey, my family and food, for my drawing skills and my life, ( I love that one!). Some others were; the world, pie, my brothers, games, people, my house, my friends.

I love my the simple, everyday things my kids wrote down. There are so many things we take for granted. It is different for us all. I think a big thing we all take for granted is the freedom we have in this country. It is a great place to live. As Christians we may take for granted the churches we attend or ministries we receive from. We may take for granted the car we drive, house we live in, our spouse, our job. We may take for granted out kids, our parents, our friends. We may take for granted that we have food in our cupboards and refrigerators, that we have clean running water to drink. We may take for granted the clothes we wear, the furniture we have, the appliances we use daily that make our lives so much easier.

I could get on a soap box and preach a message about being content in all things, but honestly; I'm not totally there yet. I do know what it's like to have much and have pretty much nothing. I have owned a new car, had a beautiful home, had money in the bank and very nice things. Yet I have also had to sit on the floor cause we didn't have chairs and slept on the floor since we didn't have a bed. I have driven a "classic" car, a truck that had a huge dent in the door and a van that had no heater ( in Alaska, mind you.) So I have lived at total opposites of the spectrum. I have been blessed to give above and beyond, as well as been blessed because someone gave to me. It's not easy when you go through a hardship and struggle financially. But I have to say, my God has been faithful and He has provided in ways I thought were impossible.

My husband reminded me tonight that we have walked through these hardships because of where we are going. Does that excite me? Well, it kind of does. I know God has great things for our ministry. We have seen and experienced some of it, are experiencing some now. But yet I know there is so much more God has in store. It will require a mentality that not many people have or want. I didn't ask to go through things we have walked through. But in a way, maybe I did.....

When I rededicated my life to the Lord, I knew there was no turning back and my life would never be the same. When I went to Bible College I knew I would not live a "normal" Christian life. When I married my husband, I knew God had called us to some great things.

Today I took some time to write my own Thanksgiving prayer to my Lord. I thought over this past year and the things we have walked through as a family; unemployment, medical issues, stepping down from ministry, changing churches, having our vehicle taken away, a major move, living in a hotel for a month, kids starting new schools, meeting new people and connecting in a new community. There have been ups and downs. But God has seen us through each one. I read something the other day that hit home for me; the author was talking about the realization of needing others in his life to help him through and how God places people in our lives to help us through. He said "even God needs the help of two mountains to make a valley." Yes, God needs us and we so desperately need Him. I have been angry at Him, I have blamed Him, I have tried to figure Him out. In the midst of all that, I know I can't live without Him, nor do I want to try.

My dear friend, I hope you realize your need in this life for others. I hope you realize that family is a good thing. That God places people in our lives to help us, encourage us, strengthen us and grow us up. I hope you realize that He has a plan and a purpose for ALL things. I hope today, you were able to look back over this year in your life and see His mercy, His grace, His love that is unending and overflowing. I hope you realize that God needs you, just as much as you need Him. Happy Thanksgiving!

Enjoying the busyness of life.

Sometimes it is so easy for me to sit down and write in my blog. Other times.... not so much. Today is one of those days where I have started something only to delete it. I have done this about five times, I think. My mind is full of things to write about, but it is hard to focus and get out one specific topic. So, I will share about my life over the past month.

October was a busy month for us. Actually our life is always busy, so I will rephrase that; it was busier than usual. In the midst of Life groups, hip hop classes, music rehearsals and church services; we also had a community project, family visiting, fall break for the kids, dinners with friends and my husband working overtime. Whew! Makes me tired just writing it! We have been busy, but have made some fun memories in the process.

My in laws came to visit us first. They came down from Alaska and stayed a week. It was fun spending time with them, catching up and enjoying each other's company. They were able to enjoy the grandkids, the sun and some good mexican food. They also helped out with some things around the house as well as a church project we had going on. I love how they step right in and help where ever needed. So thankful for them and their love for me as their daughter (in law).

Our church took a Saturday in October and reached out to our community. We took a street in the city and picked up trash. We had a great turnout. I was so blessed and proud of all involved that took a Saturday morning to help out. It is something small, but is the beginning of some great things we can do for this community. That same evening, our two oldest had a youth event involving both church campuses, lots of food, fun games, a rap group and an NFL player. It was a fun night and a great turnout. Those teens were blessed and encouraged.

My mom than came to visit for a week. It was too short of a visit. I enjoyed every moment and I am so thankful for the time we had together. We took walks in the morning, enjoyed our daily cup of coffee, spent one on one time with my kids and had some good conversations. When she left, I cried. Goes to show, you are never too old to need your mom.

So now, we are in a new month. My calender is filling up with appointments, dinners, projects, etc. We are getting into the holiday season. I will miss being with extended family but will do my best to give my children some sweet memories of their own. I look forward to the days ahead and the holidays we will enjoy. I want to enjoy the season and not get caught up in the hype. I know we will be busy, but will treasure the time with my kids and my husband as we pause to catch our breathe.

I know we all have lots going on. We have jobs to do, projects to get done, laundry to wash, dinners to cook. It really is a never ending process in this life we live. But I hope you will join me in times of rest. I hope you will see God's goodness and love in the little things. I hope that life doesn't get you so bogged down that you collapse in exhaustion at the end of the day wondering; "Where has the time gone?" I hope you will make all the effort needed to fellowship with fellow believers each Sunday. I hope you will take some time to pray, read some scripture, wait before the Lord. Let Him rejuvenate your spirit. I hope you will lift your hands each day in thanks to the One who gave it all. It's really the least we can do to honor Him. The one who gave you this life you live. And if you are feeling down, just know God will pick you up. He will give you joy, peace, strength.

Go out today and live your life thanking Him for each moment. No matter how busy you are....

It's a new season

I love this time of year. The smell of leaves, the cool crisp air, the vibrant color of the leaves, pulling out sweaters and soup recipes. This year though, fall is a little different for me. Since we are in a warmer climate and have no trees with changing leaves, cool crisp air or even the desire to eat soup or wear a sweater; I am having to rethink fall.

I can tell that the temperature is dropping a bit, the mornings and evenings are cool. The bushes and flowers all seem to be peeking out their vibrant colors of purple, pink, white, orange, yellow. The grass is greening up and the sunsets are getting earlier in the evening. I have pulled out a hoodie here and there, but haven't kept it on for long. So fall is here, but in a different way than what I am used to.

I feel the same with this season of my life. I am not too sure what God is doing in me, through me, with me. I feel a renewed faith in Him and ability to believe Him for more than I have in a long time. I feel His word IS true and He IS faithful. I am so thankful and find it refreshing.

Not too long ago I was doubting that my God was who I believed Him to be. I wondered if He really did follow through. I felt forgotten, abandoned and left behind. But God in His mercy and love has shown me otherwise.

I am realizing that this season in my life is different for so many reasons. My kids are ALL in school. So my time is more free. I am filling it with bible study, prayer, exercise and of course laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc. I am also working on renewing my mind and filling it with faith, thankfulness and God's word. I am having to build up my faith bit by bit. The relationships in my life are different as well. Having moved to a new place, I am once again building friendships. My husband and I are reworking our relationship as our kids are older. They are not so small any more and their dependance on us is different. So we are shifting and changing our way of dealing with them and with each other. Our marriage is in its "teen" years. We are in the busiest time of our lives, so finding time for each other can be tricky. But we do it as often as we can.

I also realize in this season that God is having to remove some "stuff" in me to make room for more of Him. He is changing my mindset on so many levels. It is a good thing, even in the midst of the uncertainty and insecurities. I know God will see me through and He will guide me through the changes.

I am also stepping back and sifting through some things. I realize that God will not always give me an answer for certain situations I have walked through in the past. I may not see the effects of decisions made that we thought were the best. I may not see the lives touched or changed by my reaching out, but I have to trust God in His response to my obedience. I may not understand why I had to walk through pain and loss to get to where I am this very moment, but God has gotten me this far. I am standing, I am singing, I am believing and I am praising. I am still going to dream, hope, desire. I have yet to accomplish all of my dreams but I know God has placed them in me for a reason.

This season of my life holds many things. It holds new beginnings and endings. It holds healing and restoration, forgiveness and release. It holds reshaped plans, visions, dreams and goals that will be accomplished. It holds growth, maturity, strength and renewed hopes. This season will be one of seeing some desires realized that I have had for a long time.

I don't want to take this season lightly in any way. It is preparing me for so much more than I can even imagine.

That is what our seasons do, if we let them. They prepare us for our future. No matter what season you are in, I believe God is getting ready to do some awesome and mighty things in your life. I believe He wants us to have a season of abundance, joy, peace, provision, healing, restoration. I am ready for it. Are you?

"It's a new season, it's a new day..... Fresh anointing, flowing my way. It's a season of power and prosperity. It's a NEW SEASON coming to me...." - New Season Israel Houghton

Lord, You make all things new!

Before we moved to Arizona, God reminded me that He was going to restore things in my life. I grabbed on to this and took God at His word. Lately I have been mulling this over and what God really meant when He spoke that to me. One thing I have realized is restoration is a process. It doesn't happen quickly. Oh it could, especially with God. But would we get the full benefits of what He wants to teach us through the process? No, not if he made it a quick thing. I wasn't overly excited about this realization, because I want it to be quick.

When I was a teenager, I took on the project one summer of refinishing a bedroom set my sister had used when she was home. It had this ugly 70's paint on it and I wanted to bring it back to its original state. (restoration) So, my dad helped me move it out to the garage and he got me the tools I needed. I remember stripping it down, taking the paint off and seeing this beautiful wood underneath. I got so excited! Then I had to sand it. I remember doing this by hand as well, no electric sander for me! It was really hard work. I wore gloves, but it was hard to work in them so I took them off. My hands got scratched, bled and were rough for weeks. My arms ached from all the sanding. Keep in mind I am doing this in the middle of summer in Virginia and it is hot, humid and miserable! We also do not have air condition in any area of our home. So to cool off, I would stand in front of the fan and drink sweet iced tea. Ahh.... summer!

The bedroom set consisted of a head and foot board for the bed, a dresser and another piece that had a mirror and drawers (can't remember what to call it). So I repeated this process on each piece of furniture. After bringing the furniture to it's original wood, I was able to decide upon a stain to use on it. My mom and I went to the local hardware store (this was before Lowes and Home Depot, if you can believe that!) and looked at all the stain available. I finally decided upon one that I liked, which was a little darker than the original color of the wood. Armed with a stain brush, the stain and a cloth, I went to work. I was so amazed at the beauty of the grain in the wood that showed through as I put the stain on. It turned out beautiful and I enjoyed that bedroom set all during high school and some of college. My parents still have it in my old room upstairs in their house. When I go back to visit, I stay in that room and I remember the time, effort and sweat it took to restore that furniture.

Restoration in my life is going to take time, effort, sweat and even tears. I know God is doing a new thing in my life. I know that He is restoring my faith in Him. I know He is restoring my belief in His love, goodness, faithfulness. I know He will have to strip me of the conclusions I have drawn over the past few years. He will need to strip me of my pride, my doubt, unbelief, my fear. He will need to sand down some things that I have let get too "thick" on my heart. He than will "stain" my life with His truth, the reminder of the promises in His word and the blood His son shed for me.

I know my God is able. Sometimes it is just hard for me to believe. I know I need to. I know His promises are yes and amen. He has proven Himself to me in the past and I know He will do it again and again. Not because He has to, but because He loves me and I need Him too. I guess that is just where I am right now.

I know God has begun the restoration process in my life. Part of that began in our move to Arizona. So, I will continue to move forward and trust (at times hesitantly) that he will continue the process. He does tell me that He is faithful to complete the good work He has begun in my life. So, for today I will stand upon that promise and walk, knowing that my steps are ordered by Him. I will not worry about tomorrow but focus on what God has for me today.

I can't wait to "see" the finished product of His restoration process in my life.

A realistic view of Psalm 139

I have been struggling with my self image a lot lately. I realize that I am a child of the King and He created me, etc. But lately it has been a hard thing for me to really appreciate those things God has gifted me with and the way He has made me. I have actually struggled with this my whole life and am finally coming to terms with it. It isn't easy.... at all. I have a beautiful daughter that is entering that age of self discovery and where image is everything. I realize I am an example to her in this area. I want to be a healthy example and be her biggest advocate in who God created her to be.

This morning a young man read Psalm 139 at church. I was encouraged by God's truth and convicted by His love. I wanted to share with you what God says in His word. I pray it will encourage you in who God has created you to be.

"God, investigate my life, get all the facts firsthand. I'm an open book to you, even from a distance, you know what I am thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of your sight."

God knows me better than I know myself. I can't hide anything from Him. Even if I tried, it doesn't work, because He knows it ALL. Kind of scary, yet when I realize that He loves me in spite of my flaws, my mistakes, my sin, it is liberating.

"You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and you're there, then I look up ahead and you're there, too- your reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful - I can't take it all in!"

God knows what I am thinking good or bad. He knows what I am going to say even before it comes from my lips. Whether it is life or death in my tongue, He knows..... He is all around me. I can't get away from His presence. I am so thankful for this reassurance and promise I have from Him!

"Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight? If I climb to the sky, you're there! If I go underground, you're there! If I flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon, You'd find me in a minute- you're already there waiting! Then I said to myself, 'oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I'm immersed in the light!' it's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you. "

There isn't any place I can go to avoid His spirit calling me. I have had times of dryness or loneliness, wondering where God was in my time of pain. Yet He was with me even than. He is with me in the "mountain top" experiences as well as the "valleys". Oh to trust Him more. I am immersed in His light even when things around me are dark, unclear and unsure.

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb."

God knew me from the very beginning. He knew me from conception. While I grew in my mother's womb, He shaped me; my personality, my quirks, my hopes, dreams, desires and than he shaped my body. He destined for me to have light brown hair, blue eyes, be 5'4 and wear a size 8 shoe. He created me to have curly hair and freckles.

"I thank you, High God- you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration- what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body, You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life prepared before even I'd lived one day."

I am so thankful for God and His breathtaking abilities in my life. He created me to worship Him body and soul. To lift my hands. dance, sing, shout, jump. He knows my inner most parts and yet He loves me. He sculpted me with His very own hands to bring glory to His name. He knew who my parents would be and that I would grow up in a small town in Va. He created me to ride my bike, pull weeds in the garden, play with my Barbies & baby dolls, sing to Olivia Newton John and the Bee Gees with a round hair brush. He knew I would love the color yellow and paint my room that color only to grow bored with it a year later. He knew I would have a sister 6 years older than me and that we wouldn't really be close until later in life. He knew that I would be a daddy's girl and later struggle in my relationship with him in my teen years. He knew what friends I would have and who would influence me. He knew the pains and joys I would experience throughout my school years. He knew I would struggle with weight issues my whole life. He knew I would compare myself to others and make poor choices at times. He knew I where I would attend college and who I would marry. He knew I would have 4 kids and move way too many times in my adult life. And yet through it all, God kept me in the palm of His hand and guided me each step of the way.

"Your thoughts- how rare, how beautiful; God, I'll never comprehend them! I couldn't even begin to count them- any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh. let me rise in the morning and live always with you! And please, God, do away with wickedness for good! And you murderers-out of here!- all the men and women who belittle you, God, infatuated with cheap god-imitations. See how I hate those who hate you, God, see how I loathe all this godless arrogance; I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred. Your enemies are my enemies!"

Lord how can I live in this world and not be affected by those who hate you and turn their backs on you? It hurts me to see others chose a life of full blown out sin. I pray I can be a light in this darkness and celebrate who You are in my life as a testimony to others.

"Investigate my life, O God, find everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong- then guide me on the road to eternal life."

I love it God, that You will search me, investigate me, know all there is to know about me and you will guide me down the road of eternal life. I have nothing to fear. You know my heart and all that is in it and are willing to guide me down the right path as long as I am ready and willing. What an incredible God we have an opportunity to serve. It is a choice we each have to make for ourselves. I know my life has been so much better walking in His grace and love. I could have a life full of darkness, sin, anger, hatred. But I choose long ago that I needed a Savior. I am not perfect by any means. Daily I call upon Him to give me wisdom, to order my steps, to guide me. I want to know in my heart of hearts and walk in the confidence of God daily. I want others to know what I have walked through and know that God has been with me each step of the way;the good, the bad, the ugly. I realize I have a lot more growing to do in my relationship with Him. In that, I want to know and believe what His word says about me, His daughter. God isn't obsessed about my dress size, my current hairstyle or wardrobe. He isn't put off by the kind of car I drive, what part of town I live in or if I have a job at a particular place. No, all that matters to God is my relationship with Him and His relationship with me. Everything else will fade away, including my dress size. ;)

Our pool experience.

About a week ago my husband and I splurged and bought a pool for our family. My husband found a great deal, we had been looking for one and we snatched it up. We ordered it online and kept it a secret from our kids. We were so excited! Daily we were checking our email to see if it had shipped yet, when it had shipped, estimated time it would be here, where it was, etc. We would talk in veiled terms if the kids were in the room and give each other knowing grins. All we told the kids was that we had a surprise for them and would receive it soon.

Yesterday our "package" arrived. I hid it in the garage and told the kids when they got home they couldn't go out there. I gave some lame excuse and thankfully they were okay with it. My husband came home early from work and worked a little on our yard out back, leveling off the area the pool would go. It was hot and we were sweating, but we didn't care. This was for our kids and we were excited to get started!

Since we had worship rehearsal last night we weren't able to set the pool up until after we got home, which was around 10pm. My husband and I are both night owls by nature so we were okay with this for the first hour or so. But getting up at 6am catches up with you pretty quick. Still we forged ahead and were determined to see the project complete.

We got the tarp laid out and set the pool on top. We than had to inflate the ring around the top. So my husband got his air compressor only to find that it wouldn't work. I dug around in the garage for our air mattress pump, found it, but couldn't use that because the batteries were dead. Unfortunately we didn't have any extra D batteries lying around. (Who does?, No, really) Still, we were not to be deterred. We both took turns blowing up the ring ourselves. Yes, we used the breath God gave us to blow up a very BIG ring at the top of the pool. I guess it's a good thing we sing because I was able to take some REALLY deep breaths. I kind of wish we would have recorded us setting this up, I know it was hilarious.

During all of this my kids are sound asleep, we are trying to be as quiet as we can outside so we don't disturb our neighbors and we are trying not to pass out. We were finally able to fill the pool with water, which was going to take about 4 hours. This would put us to bed at 2:30 am with both of us getting up just 4 hours later. Still, we pushed through the tiredness and frustration to have it ready in the morning so the kids could see it before school.

As we were going through this whole process I had a "revelation." My husband and I wanted to bless our kids and surprise them with something we knew they would enjoy so much. We couldn't wait to see their faces and looks of surprise at what we had done for them. My kids would not know what we had gone through to set it up. They wouldn't know about the late night, loss of sleep, blowing the ring up by hand, no batteries, etc. All they would know was that mom and dad surprised us and "I can't wait to get home from school so I can swim."

God does stuff for us that is such a blessing and so incredible and yet we have no idea what He had to do to bless us. We have no clue the things He had to rearrange, move out of the way, reroute to get us to a place of blessing. He is always working on our behalf, even when we are sleeping and yet we have no clue. We have no idea what He gave up to give us the best and greatest blessing of all.... eternal life. We may have a glimpse of the pain and agony He experienced, but to fully know? I don't think so.

God's love for us far surpasses any love we have ever felt. His love brings us back again and again. His love leads us, surrounds us, encompasses our very being. I love my kids so much and yet to realize God loves me, them, us so much more is mind blowing. And just like we want to bless our kids; will sometimes make great sacrifices for them, will stay up late for them, will protect and provide for them, will accept them for who they are..... God does it for us even more. Oh, how He truly... deeply.... madly.... incredibly.... loves us.

Amazing God!

God is amazing! He truly is. And I hate to admit it, but I don't always see how amazing He really is. The thing is, God will amaze me in different ways than He will amaze you. Why? Because we are all unique and individual in our ideas, thoughts and ways to be amazed.

I am a pretty simple person, grew up in a small town, have mostly lived in small towns, so I am amazed by pretty much anything..... Well ok, maybe not anything, but I think you get my point.

The other day, my husband and I went to buy a dining room table. Pretty uneventful task. We had some coupons we were hoping to use so we didn't have to pay full price, we had saved up our money and were prepared to finagle if need be. We found out once we got there, that we could only use one of the coupons. But my husband found an old sticker on the table that was $50.00 cheaper than the original price. So we pointed that out, used one of our coupons and went home. We went to put the table together and a huge corner piece had broken off. So, we called the store, took it back and they proceeded to give us another 5 % off. We actually paid less total than using the other two coupons we had and we still have those to use! See! Isn't God amazing???

Today we woke up to a rain storm. My kids were in heaven; outside running around barefoot, jumping in puddles. Then my boys decided to go in our back yard, which is dirt and have a mud fight. I stood safely inside, looking out the window and watched as they laughed, ran, jumped in a huge mud puddle and literally covered themselves with mud. It was so fun to see them have a wonderful time, making a fun memory. To me another of God's amazing gifts.

Tonight we had the opportunity to have some new friends over. I spent my afternoon cooking, cleaning and enjoying the preparation of having company. I was so thankful for my kitchen and space that I now have to entertain friends and host gatherings. I didn't realize how much I missed all that until later. I was again amazed at God's goodness for blessing us with a beautiful home to enjoy and a safe neighborhood to live in.

I look at my sweet kids and am amazed at how they are growing and becoming such interesting and unique people. I watched my oldest son tonight as he talked and interacted with the adults. I loved his facial features and the look in his eyes as he got excited about a story he was telling. I am amazed at how my daughter is able to befriend anyone and make them feel special. I am amazed at how my middle son is growing and learning to be a young man. And I am amazed at my youngest son's love for me. I love how he will come in from outside and be hot, sweaty and breathing hard but he will come and give me a hug or a kiss, just to let me know he loves me. An amazing reminder of God's love for me. :)

My husband amazes me with his music abilities. Just tonight he sat down and played the keyboard, working through some music for Sunday. Our home was filled with a sweet presence and peace. God came in and ministered to my heart.

God amazes me in a million ways! He amazes me with His love and His goodness. He amazes me with His faithfulness, His grace. He amazes me with His word. He amazes me in that He knows me, created me, sees the deepest parts of me and yet....He loves me still. He amazes me with His patience, His provision. He is incredible and mind blowing and super. He sees me in my struggles, knows my strengths and pushes me towards discovering them myself.

God has given me an amazing life. I don't always appreciate it or see it. But He really has. He has given me opportunities that I couldn't have experienced on my own. He has opened doors for me that are mind-blowing. He has allowed me to travel all over the world, meet some awesome people, minister in some rough places and yet see the glory of His presence. He allowed me to attend a Spirit led Bible college and learn first hand the reality of living a faith filled life. He has blessed me with an incredible husband who loves God, me and our sweet children. He has given me four amazing kids that constantly teach me about the Father's love. He has allowed me to live in some of the most beautiful places in the world; from the Blue Ridge mountains of Va., to Kodiak Island Ak. From the majestic mountain ranges of interior Alaska to the bustling city of Seattle and than the beautiful, vast landscape of the desert. I don't always "get" the plan of God. But I am open to His way. I am willing for Him to amaze me, blow my mind and bless my socks off! Even if it is in ways that seem impossible or make no sense.

I choose to trust, to stand and to be amazed in His presence.

"Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him. How I've proved Him o'er and o'er. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus. oh for grace to trust Him more....."

The move

It has been a while since I have posted anything on here. I have a good reason though.... we moved into our new place. I have to say, I am loving it! It is such a blessing to spread out, hang your clothes in the closet, hang pictures up on the wall, drink from your own glasses, eat off of your own plates and sleep in your own bed! It's the little things that make me happy, really.

Daily I am unpacking boxes, rearranging things, making room for other things I feel are important and deciding if I should get rid of things we don't use as often. I have found old baby pictures of the kids and am enjoying the memories they have stirred in my heart. I am enjoying setting up my home and filling it with pictures, decor, furniture that makes our house a home. We had been living out of our suitcases for awhile, so I REALLY appreciate being able to settle down and not have wrinkly (is that even a word?) clothes. :)

In the process of all of this, I have been dealing with things I thought had been dealt with, forgiven, healed. It is hard when God decides to bring something before you that you really thought you had dealt with. (Ugh! Will I ever arrive???)

I realize that God wants to take away some of those "things" I have been carting around with each "move" I have made. Those things that I had packed away in a box and forgotten about. I think God in his mercy gave me a break from dealing with the envy, insecurities, wrong attitudes, misperceptions, etc. that must be laid out on the table, so I can move forward. So that I can enjoy the destination.

Now, here I am with a "box" or two full of these emotions I thought I had control over. And I think, "Lord what do you want me to do?" I am not sure I want to face all of this..... again. That means I have to feel and remember things that hurt or worse, confront who I really am.

It all goes back to trusting Him. It's all I can do, in whatever situation I am in. He will take me by the hand and lead me to a better place in Him. But why is it so hard?

I am so in need of a Savior. I think more now than years ago when I was making bad choices and ruining my life. I am reminded daily of His amazing love for me; through a sunset (which are incredible in AZ, by the way), through the sweet affection of my children, a thoughtful act from my spouse. God reminds me in His word that is powerful, full of life, and doesn't return to Him void. I am reminded in the songs I sing, the sermons I hear, the conversations I have with my fellow Christian brothers and sisters.

I am humbled that God loves me enough to not allow me to stay where I am. He will allow me to carry around my "box" of "stuff" for only so long and than, He gently and lovingly asks for it back. He wants me whole and healed. He wants me full of life and power. He wants me to be a walking, breathing testimony of Him. He wants me to come to terms with where I am and see that isn't where he wants me to stay. He wants me (and you) to fulfill ALL He has placed inside of us. I can't stand aside and say, "Why me?". I have to ask, "Why not me?". Than I have to be okay with the answer.

I am thankful for the place God has me in now. Do I understand it all? No, not at all. But, I know God's way is the best way. I have messed up too many times and tried to figure things out too often to keep striving for the answers I want. I just want to rest in my Father's arms, lean my head on His chest and breathe. Allowing Him to heal, soothe, repair, mend and whatever else needs to be done. He will take each item out of the box and together we will work through those things. And than when it is empty, we may need to open another. Or he may choose to wait until another time.

I know though, that no matter what, He will be right here with me. He will help me to arrange, throw out, display, etc. whatever is there. I am not alone, and for that I am so very thankful.

Learning to lean....

The other morning I woke up to the chorus of an old church song running through my head. Some of you may know it; "Learning to lean, learning to lean. I'm learning to lean on Jesus. Finding more power than I'd ever dreamed. I'm learning to lean, on Jesus." It has been running through my head over and over, reminding me of the importance of leaning on Him. It is something I struggle with. I feel I can do such a better job with working things out in my life. Even though I know deep down that is far from the truth. Daily I must lay down my dreams and ambitions and trust that God knows what He is doing. I must let go of those things I continue to hold on to, allowing God to do His "thing." He has shown me time and time again that He IS faithful, that He works all things out for my good, that He knows me better than I know myself.

Before we left Washington state, we attended church with my husbands aunt and uncle. The pastor there prayed for our family and encouraged me to continue in my journey with God, and to just relax. God has it all under control. I have held onto that. When I get anxious, upset, frustrated, I try to take a step back and relax. Granted, it hasn't come easily. But I want it to become an instant reaction instead of me freaking out about things. I have a long way to go people.

Jillian Michaels says that "trying is setting yourself up for failure". So I will not "try" to remind myself of God's promises, I will do. I will turn to His word. I will remember those scriptures I have memorized through the years, the ones that were embedded in my heart when I was a child. I will stop trying to trust and just do it. Even though it really scares me. Sounds funny huh? To be afraid to trust in the One who created us. But I will do it. I will stop making excuses for myself and move forward in what God has for my life.

I believe we are on a new adventure, as I have shared in the past. I believe God has us in this region for a reason. I believe God has directed and ordered our steps this far and He will continue. I believe He has some amazing ministry opportunities for us. I believe they involve daily relationships with people and being a light in this city. He has already blessed us with a strong support group here and the opportunity to work with some amazing people. He has also given us opportunities to meet some great people.

He is setting us up. That's what He does... He sets us up, not for failure but for success. So, with this in mind, I will continue in learning to lean on my Savior.

"I've thrown myself headlong into Your arms - I'm celebrating Your rescue. I'm singing at the top of my lungs, I'm so full of answered prayers. " Psalm 13:5,6 MSG

Enjoying the journey

A week ago today my family and I left Washington state and began our journey to Arizona. Before we left a friend told me to enjoy this journey we were embarking on. He reminded me of this along the way. It was a good trip in spite of little situations that tried to throw us off course. But God is so good and He got us here safely. We stayed with some friends along the way and reconnected, we saw some amazing farmland and grew a deep appreciation for all the farmers who grow our produce. We experienced being in LA traffic at rush hour. "Whew!" What an adventure! I had some amazing conversations with my kids and we made memories along the way. We reached our destination early Friday morning and crashed for a few hours.

Our time since has been full of making new friendships, meeting new people and building upon friendships we started on our visit in May. I have enjoyed the time of fellowship and relaxation before our lives get busy once again. We have experienced some pretty intense weather and yet I am told it will only get hotter! Help me Jesus!! We have enjoyed some good family time at the pool and taking walks or just hanging out in the evenings.

I am looking forward to this new and different season in our lives. We have a lot to learn about desert living. But are looking forward to enjoying the new experiences. I realize our "journey" didn't stop once we got here, it has continued.

A few years ago, God gave me a scripture that I really clung to. He reminded me of it last night. Isaiah 51:3 says, "For the Lord will comfort Zion, He will comfort all her waste places; He will make her wilderness like Eden, And her desert like the garden of the Lord: Joy and gladness will be found in it, Thanksgiving and the voice of melody." I am looking forward to the Lord making my wilderness like Eden, my desert like His garden. He said that joy and gladness would be found in my garden, along with thanksgiving and new songs. I say, "Do it Lord!" I am ready for the change and the growth. I am ready for a new season and whatever it holds. (You may need to remind of this later ;) I realize it won't always be easy, fun, "sunny". But God has promised me a peace and joy, He has promised me a beautiful garden. He has promised me a new song to sing. So I lift my hands high, I raise my voice and I proclaim His goodness and love to all the earth.

Let me leave you with Isaiah 51:3 in the Message, "Likewise, I, God, will comfort Zion, comfort all her mounds of ruins. I'll transform her dead ground into Eden, her moonscape into the garden of God. A place filled with exuberance and laughter, thankful voices and melodic songs."

Be blessed and enjoy the journey, whatever it is, that God has you on!

It all matters

Last weekend my husband and I took a trip to the Phoenix, AZ area. We led worship at a great church, met some amazing people and had some wonderful time to ourselves. We enjoyed the sun and even the heat. Sounds crazy, but living in Alaska for 10 years makes you appreciate warmth from the big yellow thing in the sky. (My AK friends know what I'm talking about). After being there and connecting with the church that we were ministering in, we made a big decision to move our whole family. We will be helping a growing church in the Phoenix area leading worship and connecting with the community. I am excited, overwhelmed, ecstatic, blessed, in awe and sad to leave the friends I have made here. So many emotions and feelings.

I recognize that our lives will be changing in so many ways. Yet, some things will stay the same. I will miss the green and lush vegetation of the northwest. I will miss the coolness, the marked seasons, the rain. But I look forward to the beauty I will find in the terrain of the desert. I look forward to the new friendships that will be formed, the ministry that will take place and the sweet memories that will be made. I look forward to my kids discovery of something new, the friends they will meet and the growth that will take place in their lives.

As a family we have weathered some storms. I realize those storms are all a part of God building us and shaping us into more of Him. I am excited to see how God will use those situations so we can minister to others and encourage them.

This morning as I was getting ready for the day I put on a song from Deluge. It is called "Worshiping You". As I listened to the words and took some time to really meditate on them, I was struck by the simplicity of my relationship with God. He desires me to give it all to Him, to trust Him and to allow Him to love me as I fall more and more in love with Him. The chorus says, "Here I am, worshiping You. With all I am, worshiping You. Bowing down, in Spirit and truth. With lifted hands, worshiping You." I thought, yeah Lord, here I am. Here I am with all my fears, my dreams, my hopes. Here I am with all my insecurities, doubts, unbelief. Here I am with all that is in me. Everything.... holding nothing back, because You know Lord. You know it all. I bow down to You in surrender, not just physically but spiritually too. Lifting my hands, giving it all to You.

So tonight as I was in the car with my husband, complaining about a situation, God spoke to my heart and said, "Is this worship to me?" Ouch..... My worship to Him is more than lifted hands and singing from my lips. It is interaction with my family, helping my children, listening to my husband. It is washing dishes and folding laundry. Worship is respecting my husband, loving my children and being a good friend. It is honoring my parents and in-laws. Worship is living this life God has given me and pointing others to Him through my actions.

Another part of the song says, "I'm gonna worship You forever, I;m gonna worship You." If we really think about that, it is so mind blowing. We get to worship the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, FOREVER. Wow! What an honor.

As you go about your day, remember that it all matters to God.

Singing through the transition

Transition is a noun that means; movement, passage or change from one position, state, subject, concept, etc. to another. In musical terms transition means; a. a passing from one key to another, modulation, b. a brief modulation, c. a sudden unprepared modulation. As I look over these different definitions, I feel my life fits in the music sense of transition. The sudden unprepared modulation. I have been unprepared mentally, physically, even spiritually for the things we have faced recently. It has been a bit unsettling and frustrating. I am believing that things are going to smooth out and we will transition into a "key" of sweet harmonies and soothing melodies.

Life is full of changes, transitions, roller coaster rides. It is full of joy, sweetness and good memories. At times it throws some big curves that throw us off track and get our focus on little things. But it is so important to keep our eyes on Jesus. He is the author and the finisher of our faith. It is also important to see the Big picture. You know the one.... that desire you have stirring in your heart, the dream that seems so unreachable. With God nothing is impossible. It doesn't say, some things are impossible or that one thing is impossible. No, it says NOTHING!

So whatever you are facing today, know that God already has it taken care of. He knows what phase of your life you are living. He knows what part you are to sing or play. He knows the instruments you need to accomplish the task. He knows whether you are to join in on the harmony or stick to the melody or maybe, you are to sing in unison. He knows if you have rehearsed your part or are looking at it for the first time. He knows! That is the key thing to remember. He will guide, if we let Him.

Seasons & assignments

Even though I am not a morning person by nature, I do love the quietness of the morning. After my kids are all up and out the door, I relish the quiet and peaceful calm of the morning. It is especially nice after a mad rush. As I sit here this morning, I have my cup of tea and my ever growing puppy close by. It is a little overcast but looks to be a nice day. I have my daily/weekly/monthly planner in front of me so I can plan out my week. Which tends to get busy pretty quick. I do have to schedule in laundry, workouts and bible reading in the midst of everything else. Time has a way of getting away from me if I am not careful. Thankfully my planner is not as full as when I was attending college full time. During that season of my life I even had to schedule in bathroom breaks. (Well, maybe not, but it sure felt like it at times.)

While I was in school, my time was full of learning new music, practicing voice and piano, working on class projects and completing weekly assignments. Along with that, I had dinners to cook, clothes to wash and kids to guide through life, school,etc. It was overwhelming at times, but thankfully my husband helped in many ways. I definitely couldn't have completed my degree without his encouragement, guidance and help. We both recognized the season we were in and ran with it. Literally at times!

Right now, I am still working through this season of my life. It has not been an easy season to be in, but I do believe it is coming to a close. Some good things are on the horizon and God is opening some amazing doors that really, only He could open for us. I am excited and anxious. Yet I know God is working on my behalf as His daughter. I am taking each day at a time and trying to stay focused on the plan and purpose God has for my life.

A lot of my time has been spent just waiting on the Lord and resting in Him. So hard! At least for me...... I am a doer by nature. I want to make sure everyone is taken care of in my life and things are going according to what has been planned. Reality is, my life has not been there. It has been a jumbled mess of ups and downs, highs and lows, craziness mixed with a little bit of calm. But in the midst of it all I do know God has a plan and a purpose for this season.

Yesterday as I was singing in the choir of the church we are attending, I felt God speak to me about my assignment at this particular place. I am not totally sure of all the details, but I know God has my husband and I there for a season. We are both having to take a step back and serve in a capacity we haven't for a long time. It has been a challenge for me personally. But I want to learn whatever God wants to teach me and have a right attitude. Easier said than done.

An assignment is a particular task or duty one has been asked to perform. It is also a position of responsibility. So, I ask myself, "What is the particular task or duty You want me to perform while here, Lord?" "What is my position of responsibility?" Looking at these two questions and thinking about them, helps put things in perspective for me. I think of the scripture in Ecclesiastes 3, that talks about everything having a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. There is so much more to that passage of scripture than I realize. It says to EVERYTHING there IS a season. Everything! Nothing is left to chance or happenstance. God has created us with a specific purpose in mind for our lives. But it goes much further than that. In each season of our life, we have a specific assignment or assignments to carry out. Maybe God places someone in our lives that we need to share His love and goodness with. Maybe there is someone who needs encouragement, a helping hand, a word that will get them through the day. Maybe it is a smile, a hug, a pat on the back. It could be a kind word, a prayer prayed or a story told.

I know that my steps are ordered by the Lord. I know I desire to be a living, walking, breathing testimony of Him. I want my life to smell sweet and be an encouragement to others.

Sometimes in the big picture of life, it is easy to forget the smaller things. The details that really matter. That is where knowing your assignment comes in. When you know the specific assignment for the specific season of your life, than you can endure whatever comes your way. (And by endure, I don't necessarily mean difficult things.)

Sometimes our assignment is for us to complete for ourselves. Sometimes the assignment is for us to complete on behalf of someone else. Sometimes God uses our assignment to change us, other times it is to help others change. At times our assignment may be easy or even fun. But there may be times it is hard and very challenging. I know though with each assignment, we need to give it our best. We may need help along the way. And God is very willing to help, but we need to put that extra effort into it so we can get a good "grade".

I know I want to pass this assignment. I want to use the time I have and be a Godly example to others. I want to see things through God's perspective and give Him the opportunity to change me. I want to be willing for Him to teach me, rearrange me and improve on what He has already placed inside of me.

So, I will carry out my assignment with His grace and guidance. I will allow Him to work in my heart as needed, to work on my attitude and to make me more like Him. Because I know this assignment leads me to the next one, which could be the beginning of some great things. :)

God's love; dedicated to Hannah

Sunday was a sweet day for me. My kids and husband let me sleep in a bit. They woke me with a rousing "Happy Mother's Day!!" followed by hugs and kisses. One of my boys handed me my favorite coffee drink from Starbucks, my daughter held a potted Calla Lilly plant (my favorite flower) and my husband gave me a choice of blueberry or chocolate chip coffee cake (low fat of course). Then my boys brought out the gifts they had lovingly made for me at school. I loved it all! I will miss those handmade gifts.

During worship at church that morning we sang the song "How He loves". As I lifted my hands in worship to my Savior I was overcome by the love He has for me as His child. It was a tender moment for me. Sometimes I forget how deeply God really does love me. I am concerned about all the things I struggle with. I forget that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. I forget that God's love for me is so much more than I know. I think of the love I have for my children and am reminded my heavenly Father's love is so much more. It's amazing, truly amazing.

Tomorrow we will celebrate my daughter's 12th birthday. I can't help but think back to my pregnancy with her and the day she was born. In the beginning of my pregnancy I was extremely sick with her. I couldn't hold anything down and was miserable. As we both got adjusted to each other and I got further in my pregnancy things smoothed out a bit and I felt almost normal. I loved feeling her move inside of me and being in awe of God's miraculous gift of life. I also remember nearing the end and feeling scared yet ready to have her in my arms. She arrived 2 weeks after her due date; healthy, bright eyed and beautiful!

She has been such a joy in my life. And now as she is maturing and turning into a sweet young lady I am reminded of God's faithfulness and abundant blessings. I pray she will be the woman God desires her to be, that her heart will always be turned towards Him. I pray she will be light in the darkness, stand strong in her convictions and show others His love. I pray she will not be brought down by societies standards but live according to God's standards, bringing others up in the process. I pray she will fulfill the dreams God has placed in her life and live with passion and purpose. I pray she will not conform to the world or be influenced by the media industry. I pray God will continue to give me, her mother, wisdom and the ability to be a positive example of a Godly woman. I pray she will not compromise her beliefs for the love of man. I pray she will find a wonderful man who loves God and that they will have a solid, happy marriage. I pray God gives her the moon and the stars and all that is in between. I pray she will not walk the path I have walked at times but learn from my mistakes. I pray she will be a positive influence in this negative world. I pray she will rise above her circumstances and stand strong in the God who loves her. My heart is so full of love for this young lady.

As my heart is full of love for my daughter, God's heart is full of love for you. Your God is jealous for you. His love is powerful and strong. His love overwhelms us to a point that nothing else matters. Not our faults or shortcomings, fleshly desires or earthly longings. Not our selfishness or our sin. His love covers all of that! His love is amazing, it is beautiful, it is great. We are His creation, His prize. His grace in our lives is so much more than we give him credit for. And when we are in His presence we can't help but be overcome with His love. It is truly amazing!

I will end this with a line to a song we sang Sunday. I don't know the name of the song or who sings it. But the words touched my heart; "I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned to the One who gave it all." He gave it all for you and for me.

Living the dream

The other night I was lying in bed next to my husband, checking my emails etc. He was sound asleep snoring softly (?), the rain was gently falling outside, my sweet puppy was laying at my feet. I took a moment to breathe in and savor the moment.

Over the weekend we spent some time with the kids at the park. The boys played around on the playground, my daughter and I walked the dog enjoying some "girl time" together. My husband relaxed on a bench nearby. It was another moment to breathe in and savor, which I did.

On Sunday we spent some time with some of our family in the area. We sat around the table talking, catching up, laughing and enjoying each others company. It was a fun time. Another one of those moments you step away from and savor.

All these moments have been a good reminder to me of God's faithfulness. The world around me may be falling down at my feet but God remains the same. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He gives me glimpses of His true character in the madness of my life. There are so many things I can not begin to understand or comprehend. God's ways are higher. They are higher than my earthly thoughts, higher than my lofty ideals, higher than my dreams of grandeur.

In these quiet and simple moments of my life, I realize I am living "the dream". I am blessed. My kids are healthy, my husband is loving and committed to me. I have a roof over my head and food in my pantry. I have a place to lay my head every night, a reliable car to drive, clothes to wear. I attend a thriving, growing church that preaches the Word of God and encourages me in my walk with the Lord. I am healthy and have good friends. God has given me so much. That is what I need to focus on. I need to align my thinking with His word. He is my healer, my provider, my strength, my shield, my deliverer. He is my song in the night, my shelter in the storm, my fortress in which I stand.

The dreams I have when I sleep are sometimes hard to understand, don't make sense and are jumbled. Sometimes they are full of people I love and hold dear. Other times they are sad or even scary. And at times they are full of things I desire and am passionate about. But they are my dreams. And that is why I say I am living the dream.

We all have desires God has placed in our hearts. Whether or not we serve Him, He created us and placed things inside of us that we need to accomplish. Things we were created to do for Him. It's all part of the dream. Some of us know what we will do when we are 5 years old. Others may not know until we are 20, 30, 40 maybe even 50. But when we discover it, it is life changing. God wants us to pursue our passions and fulfill the dreams He has placed inside of us. Sometimes to live the dream, we have to go through some stuff. But that "stuff" helps us in realizing the dream and getting closer to our purpose.

I have gone through some "stuff" over the past 4 years. In that, God has gotten me to the place where I realize I really am living the dream. It is full of those I love and hold dear, things I desire and am passionate about. It is full of things I don't understand and things that don't make sense. But as long as I keep my eyes on Jesus, I believe He will bring me to the place where I realize my full potential in Him and am living it daily. That is what dreaming is all about!

Being Hungry

My husband and I have decided to get healthier. A few weeks ago we embarked on a weight loss program. We eat five small but healthy meals a day. Some days I do really well and feel no hunger at all. Other days, not so lucky. I am starving, not literally, but those of you that have ever gone on a diet know what I am talking about. The days I work out seem to be the worst.

Sometimes I feel like that spiritually. There are days when I am full and doing well. And than there are days I am so hungry that nothing I eat seems to satisfy me. There are days when I am satisfied by His word. I have been given something I can chew on throughout the day and grow my spiritual muscles. Maybe that is why I have been walking in the valley lately, to grow my spiritual muscles. Can't say that I feel strong spiritually. But, I believe I will be able to feel and see the difference in time.

There are days when I need more than His word. I need to listen to some good worship music, or some good solid preaching. Some days I just need to sit at His feet and listen, not say anything but let Him speak to me. I have had quite a few times lately of being in my car alone and God has let me know He is there. I am crying my eyes out, wiping the tears or yelling, yes, yelling at God about my life. (Like He doesn't already know) And He gently but firmly reminds me to "Be still and know that He is God."

I think God gives us those times of hunger so that we will search for Him. He really is the only one who can satisfy us and meet us where we are. Sometimes I think He shows Himself a little more and yet holds back so we will want more. He knows how to relate to us. He knows what makes us long for Him. He knows just how much to give us.

There is a song my husband and I sing sometimes by Israel Houghton called "I Will Search". The chorus goes, " I will search for You and I will find You. I will find You, with all my heart. I will lift my hands to You in worship. And I will worship, with all my heart." God wants us to search for Him, to seek Him and find Him with all our hearts. He wants us to worship Him in our daily lives by living for Him. He wants us to worship Him with all we have, all we are.

I continue to be amazed by His grace and His awesome love for me. I hope I will always have a hunger for Him. I don't want to get used to the feeling, but I want it to be uncomfortable so that I pursue Him to fill me.

I believe my husband and I will met our goals. We are determined to get healthy. I may get used to feeling hungry physically but spiritually I don't want to.

Weekend events and life choices

This past weekend was full of excitement and celebration for us. We celebrated with a young couple as they joined together in marriage and we got a puppy. Two totally different occasions, I know, but both life changing. Our friends that got married had a fun and touching ceremony. The bride looked gorgeous in her strapless white gown and yellow shoes and the groom looked dapper in his black tux, yellow tie and white chucks. It was full of their individual personalities. They shared their own written vows; his written on his iphone, hers written on a piece of paper. At the end they danced down the aisle. The reception was full of fun, laughter and lots of food. It was a sweet time of fellowship and joy. My boys had the best time dancing and showing off their moves. One even caught the garter, (help me Jesus, he's only 10)! My daughter enjoyed catching up with friends and planning for her big day (many years down the road, she is 11). It was sweet. I love seeing two people that you know God has brought together, solidify their union before others. It is a wonderful thing to witness.

Now, the puppy. My husband and I have debated about getting a dog for quite some time. We live in an apartment and our living space is already full. But we knew our kids wanted one and felt they were at good ages to accept the responsibility that comes with having a puppy. Last week we actually spent time looking at different breeds on the internet and narrowing it down to ones we thought would work well for us.

At the wedding we had a friend that showed us the most adorable pups. Her dog had pups 6 weeks ago and they had two left. She asked if we wanted one. Hmm...... We talked about it and ended up checking them out that evening. We fell in love with one and decided to have him join our family. He has become a perfect fit. He is getting used to us and we are getting used to him. We are working out his schedule of eating, sleeping, going potty, etc. The kids are loving having him around.

I realize that weddings and puppies are not two things that you would put together. But they both have a profound affect on your life, good or bad. The choice is really yours. Everyday is a decision to honor your spouse, to love, cherish and respect the one you choose to live with for the rest of your life. Every morning you wake up with a choice to prefer your spouse over your self, to give of yourself. You may let them have the last piece of chocolate cake or make sure the coffee is ready before they leave for work. You may make sure the dry cleaning was picked up or the clothes they need are clean, folded and put away. You may make their favorite dinner, bring home their favorite flower or leave a note for them to find during the day. There may a time when you have to choose to say something encouraging or nothing at all. But it is a choice to daily give of yourself.

With our puppy, I have chosen to train him, to feed him, to take him for walks. I have chosen to bring him into our home and make him a part of our family. Taking care of him will be something I do on a daily basis. Loving my husband is something I do on a daily basis. Serving Jesus is something I do on a daily basis. Do you see where I am going with this? There is so much more to life than we realize. So much more to getting married, serving Jesus, having and raising children, getting a pup. There is so much more to getting up everyday and going to work, taking your kids to school, getting coffee at the local coffee shop. There is so much more to getting groceries, going to church, working out at the gym. Our lives are a living testimony of our Savior. Every step we take is ordered by Him, if we let it be. Every breathe we take is ordained by Him. Every thought we think is known by Him. Every deed we do is looked upon by Him.

Life is all about living. It is about waking up each morning and realizing God gave you the day to live. It is about giving, sharing, loving. Life is about choices. Choices that reflect Who we serve. Every decision we make reflects our heart. I pray my choices reflect my Savior. I pray my husband and children, even my pup will see Jesus in me. I pray my friends and those I come in contact with daily see Jesus in me. That is my hearts desire.

So today as you live the life God has given you; I pray you will take a bigger step, breathe a deeper breath and reach out to those around you.

Counting it all joy....

My bible reading today included the first chapter of James. Now, let me just say that James is not one of my favorite books of the bible because well, it's in your face. I am not an in your face kind of person. But I love God's word and know He ordained each and every verse, chapter and book to be included. He had a lot to tell us, to challenge us with and to help us grow as His people.

James 1:2,3 says "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience" Verse 4 continues with, "But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." We may think to ourselves when reading these verses, "What?" But God does have a plan for the trial. He knows that as we walk through the trial, that our faith will be tested. In the testing, our faith produces patience. But He doesn't stop there, He goes on to say, to let patience have it's perfect work. Can I get another "What?" It is against our human nature to let patience do anything! Just think of the times you are in a hurry and in heavy traffic, in line at the grocery store with one, maybe two checkers, etc. Yeah, God has a sense of humor.

He loves us so much though. He wants us to get to the place where we can see our trial as a blessing. This is so against our natural thinking. But that is where having the mind of Christ comes in. Spending time in His presence, reading His word, spending time with other believers, attending a healthy church on a regular basis. Even those times when we give of ourselves; Whether through volunteering in our local church on some level, making dinner for a family, helping a neighbor who is in need, helping someone we work with; giving of our time, our resources. Whatever God has placed on our hearts to do, we need to follow through with it and DO IT! Because in this, we are not only helping someone else, we are helping ourselves.

God is so faithful. He loves us enough to get us where He sees we are to be. He wants us to walk fully in the calling He has placed upon each one of our lives. He wants us to be a blessing to EVERYONE we come in contact with.

The trials are to make us better, not bitter. The trials are the testimony of God's goodness to the world. He does help us through, if we let Him. If we will allow God's peace to flood our hearts and minds. If we will allow His grace to walk us through. These are the times we need to cling to His hand and trust.

I need to admit that I am "preaching" to myself. But I want to testify that my God is faithful, He has carried me through so much. I have a testimony in the test. I have learned in spite of it all, He loves me, more than I can even imagine or grasp. Be encouraged, God does have a plan and a purpose for the trials. Keep treading the water, keep breathing through your nose, keep taking the next step. Keep going, don't stop!

I want to end with James 1:17, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. "

Be encouraged my friend. He does have good things for you.

Today....

Today has not been a good day for me. I don't know why. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, I am breathing. I was able to get up this morning and attend church. I even got to see some family that is in town visiting. But my heart is heavy. I am not sure if it is because of the season I am in and learning to be content. Maybe it is because I am tired after just 5 hours of sleep. Maybe it is hormonal,( you know us women :).

I was looking through some old pictures today of a few years ago and remembering our life than. It was good. We had a beautiful home, a thriving business, my kids were healthy, my husband and I were leading worship together at a growing church. I was also busy finishing my bachelors degree in music performance. Our lives were busy, full and blessed. And than, things changed. One by one God began allowing things to be taken from my life. We lost our business, our home and decided to step down from ministry. Thankfully I still had my kids and husband. But honestly, I felt like Job. It was probably one of the darkest times in my life.

Eventually we started getting back on our feet. We moved into town, closer to the University I was attending, my husband got a good job with a friend and my kids got adjusted to living in a duplex. It seemed to be working out. Inside I was so wounded, angry and frustrated with God. I really thought he had left me and my family to fend for ourselves. But deep down in my heart I knew God was with me through it all.

I learned to daily lean on Him. To truly take each day at a time and to let Him be my daily bread; my living word. I had to trust that He would supply my need for that moment. It's a hard thing to walk through, especially in the society we live in. Trusting God is not popular, easy or something "everyone wants to do." Even in the Body of Christ. It was a hard lesson and one I continue to struggle with. But I look back and see God's faithfulness. I see His mercy and His grace. I see that even though my dreams and desires have been put on hold, they are not being denied. It is just a process. Really that is what life is, a process.

Ten months ago my family and I moved to the lower forty eight from Alaska. We drove all the way from Fairbanks, Alaska through Canada and into Washington state. It was a step of faith we took, believing God all the way. The drive was amazing. We drove through the Alaskan and Canadian Wilderness. We passed through mountains with windy roads, tall trees and huge lakes. We saw black bears, eagles, moose, lynx. It was lots of driving, along with lots of prayer and listening to worship music. It was a memorable time in all of our lives. I marked that drive as a new chapter in my life. A break from the old and beginning the new. A new season.

Once in Washington, we settled down and got adjusted to the change in our life. We moved into an apartment, my husband found a job, the kids got adjusted in school. We made new friends, new memories and experienced new adventures. Some things are still the same. But I know underneath it all God is working all things together for my good. I know He will make a way where there seems to be no way and He will give me the desires of my heart; for ministry, for my family and even those deep things that mean so much to me, only He knows.

I will continue to move forward and remember the "memorials" from the past, trusting God through it all. Maybe I just needed to share my story to give someone else hope. The trial doesn't last forever. It is only a season. My living through the trial is my testimony. My testimony that speaks volumes to others who are going through.

So, I will push through the "funk" I am in and enjoy the day God has given me to live. I will enjoy my kids stories and watch them run and play. I will laugh at my husband's silly jokes and listen to his encouraging words. I will be thankful for the ability to walk, run, see and hear. I will lift my hands and worship the One who created me and gave me this life to live. And I will remember, but most of all I will look forward and believe God's best for my life.

Communication

Sometimes it is hard to put in words what needs to be said. This is a real struggle for me as I am not the best at verbal communication. I can hardly finish sentences sometimes. Silly, I know. But communication has always been a struggle for me. Thankfully my children and husband do not seem to suffer from this syndrome. Our home is filled with lots of talking, laughter, singing, and at times some shouting.

I am so thankful my Savior does not have a hard time communicating with me. He knows very well how to get my attention and make me listen. Yes, sometimes He needs to make me listen.

Yesterday is a very good example. I was having a really good pity party, and God chose to show me very clearly that He does have all things under control. Our financial situation has been very tight lately and I was frustrated over the way things were "not" happening in our lives. God very plainly placed a gift in our laps. All I could do was weep. I was overcome by God's goodness and mercy in my life.

As I was driving to my son's school for an afternoon of volunteer work, God spoke so clearly to me and said "Rest, I have this all taken care of. Stop striving!" Now, He has spoken this to me in the past few months several times. Obviously I had forgotten (AGAIN!) and needed a good reminder. Once again my eyes filled with tears and I wept on my drive. I asked the Lord to forgive me and help me to take my hands off the situation.

Later that evening as my husband and I were sitting in church, the Lord washed His love over me once again. The music and exhortation spoke to my deepest being. The word that was brought forth was so timely. I was in awe and humbled by God's ways. He spoke a word so direct to me that I was blown away.

I am so thankful that even though I may not always be able to get the right words out, God knows the deepest part of me. He knows it all, and He loves me so deeply. Even when we aren't so good at listening or getting our "point across", He knows. He created us. He has good, no, great things in store for us. He wants to take us higher and deeper in Him. He wants us to succeed and move forward. He wants us to live life FULLY and at peace. Most of all though, He wants us to rest and allow Him to do the work. He wants to fight the battle, He wants to take care of our business and deal with our mess.

He is the great communicator. What is He saying to you today? Listen and heed His call.

We will overcome....

This past weekend, my family and I took a road trip. We drove through mountains and farmland to get to our destination. We crossed over the Columbia River and passed many lakes along the way. It was a beautiful and peaceful drive, even in a car packed full of kids and "stuff" to keep them entertained.

We arrived at our destination and were so blessed to spend time with some dear friends we haven't seen for well over 10 years. We all attended the same Bible College in Ohio in the 90's. Our weekend was filled with laughter, stories from our time at Bible college and catching up on the past 14 years of life. We both have been on a spiritual roller coaster. It was good to know that my family and I are not alone on the journey we have chosen.

We also got to help them on a music project they are working on. Sunday we all had the opportunity to lead worship together at their church. It was an amazing time and God touched peoples hearts. I was so blessed to be a part of God's plan for that particular Sunday morning service.

My weekend was a time of refreshing and blessing. Our family has been hit with some hard situations lately. My faith has wavered and my trust in God's goodness has definitely been tested. I have battled fear, depression, anger, resentment; all towards the One who created me. I am coming out, moving forward and lifting my hands higher. I am trusting in God's word. All of His promises are Yes and Amen. I am singing a new song and listening with a more tender heart. I know my Redeemer lives and He will stand on the earth. ( Job 19:25) I know He is faithful and that He knows the end of my beginning.

I am so thankful for my dears friends, for their encouragement and belief in the gift God has given me. I am thankful for the opportunity to minister to God's people and His belief in His creation (me). I am thankful for a husband that loves me beyond who I am and believes in all God has placed inside of me. I am thankful for my precious children and their love for me. I am thankful my Savior sees beyond the mess in my life and knows the plans He has for me. He has plans to prosper me, plans that give me a hope and a future. (Jer. 29:11) I am overwhelmed by God's goodness. He truly is an awesome God.

On the way home my youngest son was listening to his MP3 player. One of his favorite songs is "Trading my sorrows". He was listening to this song over and over again while singing for all of us to hear, "I'm trading my sorrows, I'm trading my shame, I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord........ yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes Lord...... Amen!" What a wonderful reminder for me to hear from the lips of my 5 year old son.

Lord, I am trading all of my sorrows, my shame, my sickness and pain. I am laying it ALL down for the joy (unspeakable and full of glory) of the Lord. But most of all Father, I say YES. Yes, to the life that You have destined for me to live. Yes, to the ministry that You have entrusted me with. Yes, to living a life that is for You and about You. Yes, to a life that may have some huge mountains and deep valleys along the way but ultimately leads to eternal life with You! Yes, to being an overcomer and enduring to the end.

There is a song that has been in my spirit for some time, a part of it says; "We will overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, everyone, overcome." I want to be an overcomer in this life. Do you?

"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony...." Rev. 12:11

Beauty for ashes

When I was thinking of a name for my blog, I wanted it to have a reference to music somehow. Music is such a huge part of my life. It always has been since I was a little girl. My husband came up with the name "A Beautiful Melody".

Let me just say, my life at times is anything but a beautiful melody. It has been full of some very painful things. But the beauty has come from going through and coming out on the other side of the pain. Just the other day I was thinking of the verse that says God gives us beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness. ( Is 61:3, paraphrased) I love the Message version, it says, ".... give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit." And than at the end of Isaiah 61, it says, "So the Master, God, brings righteousness into full bloom and puts praise on display before the nations." How incredible is that?

So through the process of my trial, it is important for me to learn to praise Him. I must learn to praise Him, for the purpose of bringing Him glory for others to see. I guess that is His purpose in my life right now. It has not been an easy thing for me to learn.

But I have a promise of Him, (my Father God), giving me, (His daughter), a bouquet of roses instead of the ashes from my burnt sacrifice. He is giving me a praising heart instead of a languid and weak spirit. He brings righteousness to full bloom and displays praise before all nations. I realize God shows His glory in creation. But we are His greatest creation ever. Yes, the rocks will cry out. How much more should I?

So, I say all of that to say this..... I desire my life to always be a beautiful melody for my Lord. I desire for my life to be a testimony of His goodness, His grace, His faithfulness and most of all His beauty.

The beginning...

I got the idea of blogging while on a trip last year with a good friend. We were on the plane coming back from Paris. I had just read the book "Julie & Julia" and was inspired by the author's challenge for herself, to try all of Julia Child's recipes from her french cookbook in one year and than blog about it.

I thought to myself, "I could blog, I have tons of stories to tell!" But than I thought, "who would want to read them?" So, I dropped the idea. But it came back to me again and again. After about 6 months, I mentioned it to my husband. Talking with him about it, made it seem like an important thing for me to do. So, being the wonderful husband that he is, he set me up with my very own blog page. Thank you honey!

My goal with this blog is to be encouraging, thought provoking and honest. I want to share about my life, my relationship with God, my family and ministry testimonies. I desire to be real about my ups and downs, my victories and struggles. Mostly I want to be a blessing to others who need a little push, a word of encouragement or a good cry.

I hope you will enjoy my entries. God bless you for taking time out of your busy life to read a little about mine.