It's a new season

I love this time of year. The smell of leaves, the cool crisp air, the vibrant color of the leaves, pulling out sweaters and soup recipes. This year though, fall is a little different for me. Since we are in a warmer climate and have no trees with changing leaves, cool crisp air or even the desire to eat soup or wear a sweater; I am having to rethink fall.

I can tell that the temperature is dropping a bit, the mornings and evenings are cool. The bushes and flowers all seem to be peeking out their vibrant colors of purple, pink, white, orange, yellow. The grass is greening up and the sunsets are getting earlier in the evening. I have pulled out a hoodie here and there, but haven't kept it on for long. So fall is here, but in a different way than what I am used to.

I feel the same with this season of my life. I am not too sure what God is doing in me, through me, with me. I feel a renewed faith in Him and ability to believe Him for more than I have in a long time. I feel His word IS true and He IS faithful. I am so thankful and find it refreshing.

Not too long ago I was doubting that my God was who I believed Him to be. I wondered if He really did follow through. I felt forgotten, abandoned and left behind. But God in His mercy and love has shown me otherwise.

I am realizing that this season in my life is different for so many reasons. My kids are ALL in school. So my time is more free. I am filling it with bible study, prayer, exercise and of course laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc. I am also working on renewing my mind and filling it with faith, thankfulness and God's word. I am having to build up my faith bit by bit. The relationships in my life are different as well. Having moved to a new place, I am once again building friendships. My husband and I are reworking our relationship as our kids are older. They are not so small any more and their dependance on us is different. So we are shifting and changing our way of dealing with them and with each other. Our marriage is in its "teen" years. We are in the busiest time of our lives, so finding time for each other can be tricky. But we do it as often as we can.

I also realize in this season that God is having to remove some "stuff" in me to make room for more of Him. He is changing my mindset on so many levels. It is a good thing, even in the midst of the uncertainty and insecurities. I know God will see me through and He will guide me through the changes.

I am also stepping back and sifting through some things. I realize that God will not always give me an answer for certain situations I have walked through in the past. I may not see the effects of decisions made that we thought were the best. I may not see the lives touched or changed by my reaching out, but I have to trust God in His response to my obedience. I may not understand why I had to walk through pain and loss to get to where I am this very moment, but God has gotten me this far. I am standing, I am singing, I am believing and I am praising. I am still going to dream, hope, desire. I have yet to accomplish all of my dreams but I know God has placed them in me for a reason.

This season of my life holds many things. It holds new beginnings and endings. It holds healing and restoration, forgiveness and release. It holds reshaped plans, visions, dreams and goals that will be accomplished. It holds growth, maturity, strength and renewed hopes. This season will be one of seeing some desires realized that I have had for a long time.

I don't want to take this season lightly in any way. It is preparing me for so much more than I can even imagine.

That is what our seasons do, if we let them. They prepare us for our future. No matter what season you are in, I believe God is getting ready to do some awesome and mighty things in your life. I believe He wants us to have a season of abundance, joy, peace, provision, healing, restoration. I am ready for it. Are you?

"It's a new season, it's a new day..... Fresh anointing, flowing my way. It's a season of power and prosperity. It's a NEW SEASON coming to me...." - New Season Israel Houghton

Lord, You make all things new!

Before we moved to Arizona, God reminded me that He was going to restore things in my life. I grabbed on to this and took God at His word. Lately I have been mulling this over and what God really meant when He spoke that to me. One thing I have realized is restoration is a process. It doesn't happen quickly. Oh it could, especially with God. But would we get the full benefits of what He wants to teach us through the process? No, not if he made it a quick thing. I wasn't overly excited about this realization, because I want it to be quick.

When I was a teenager, I took on the project one summer of refinishing a bedroom set my sister had used when she was home. It had this ugly 70's paint on it and I wanted to bring it back to its original state. (restoration) So, my dad helped me move it out to the garage and he got me the tools I needed. I remember stripping it down, taking the paint off and seeing this beautiful wood underneath. I got so excited! Then I had to sand it. I remember doing this by hand as well, no electric sander for me! It was really hard work. I wore gloves, but it was hard to work in them so I took them off. My hands got scratched, bled and were rough for weeks. My arms ached from all the sanding. Keep in mind I am doing this in the middle of summer in Virginia and it is hot, humid and miserable! We also do not have air condition in any area of our home. So to cool off, I would stand in front of the fan and drink sweet iced tea. Ahh.... summer!

The bedroom set consisted of a head and foot board for the bed, a dresser and another piece that had a mirror and drawers (can't remember what to call it). So I repeated this process on each piece of furniture. After bringing the furniture to it's original wood, I was able to decide upon a stain to use on it. My mom and I went to the local hardware store (this was before Lowes and Home Depot, if you can believe that!) and looked at all the stain available. I finally decided upon one that I liked, which was a little darker than the original color of the wood. Armed with a stain brush, the stain and a cloth, I went to work. I was so amazed at the beauty of the grain in the wood that showed through as I put the stain on. It turned out beautiful and I enjoyed that bedroom set all during high school and some of college. My parents still have it in my old room upstairs in their house. When I go back to visit, I stay in that room and I remember the time, effort and sweat it took to restore that furniture.

Restoration in my life is going to take time, effort, sweat and even tears. I know God is doing a new thing in my life. I know that He is restoring my faith in Him. I know He is restoring my belief in His love, goodness, faithfulness. I know He will have to strip me of the conclusions I have drawn over the past few years. He will need to strip me of my pride, my doubt, unbelief, my fear. He will need to sand down some things that I have let get too "thick" on my heart. He than will "stain" my life with His truth, the reminder of the promises in His word and the blood His son shed for me.

I know my God is able. Sometimes it is just hard for me to believe. I know I need to. I know His promises are yes and amen. He has proven Himself to me in the past and I know He will do it again and again. Not because He has to, but because He loves me and I need Him too. I guess that is just where I am right now.

I know God has begun the restoration process in my life. Part of that began in our move to Arizona. So, I will continue to move forward and trust (at times hesitantly) that he will continue the process. He does tell me that He is faithful to complete the good work He has begun in my life. So, for today I will stand upon that promise and walk, knowing that my steps are ordered by Him. I will not worry about tomorrow but focus on what God has for me today.

I can't wait to "see" the finished product of His restoration process in my life.

A realistic view of Psalm 139

I have been struggling with my self image a lot lately. I realize that I am a child of the King and He created me, etc. But lately it has been a hard thing for me to really appreciate those things God has gifted me with and the way He has made me. I have actually struggled with this my whole life and am finally coming to terms with it. It isn't easy.... at all. I have a beautiful daughter that is entering that age of self discovery and where image is everything. I realize I am an example to her in this area. I want to be a healthy example and be her biggest advocate in who God created her to be.

This morning a young man read Psalm 139 at church. I was encouraged by God's truth and convicted by His love. I wanted to share with you what God says in His word. I pray it will encourage you in who God has created you to be.

"God, investigate my life, get all the facts firsthand. I'm an open book to you, even from a distance, you know what I am thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of your sight."

God knows me better than I know myself. I can't hide anything from Him. Even if I tried, it doesn't work, because He knows it ALL. Kind of scary, yet when I realize that He loves me in spite of my flaws, my mistakes, my sin, it is liberating.

"You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and you're there, then I look up ahead and you're there, too- your reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful - I can't take it all in!"

God knows what I am thinking good or bad. He knows what I am going to say even before it comes from my lips. Whether it is life or death in my tongue, He knows..... He is all around me. I can't get away from His presence. I am so thankful for this reassurance and promise I have from Him!

"Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight? If I climb to the sky, you're there! If I go underground, you're there! If I flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon, You'd find me in a minute- you're already there waiting! Then I said to myself, 'oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I'm immersed in the light!' it's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you. "

There isn't any place I can go to avoid His spirit calling me. I have had times of dryness or loneliness, wondering where God was in my time of pain. Yet He was with me even than. He is with me in the "mountain top" experiences as well as the "valleys". Oh to trust Him more. I am immersed in His light even when things around me are dark, unclear and unsure.

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb."

God knew me from the very beginning. He knew me from conception. While I grew in my mother's womb, He shaped me; my personality, my quirks, my hopes, dreams, desires and than he shaped my body. He destined for me to have light brown hair, blue eyes, be 5'4 and wear a size 8 shoe. He created me to have curly hair and freckles.

"I thank you, High God- you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration- what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body, You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life prepared before even I'd lived one day."

I am so thankful for God and His breathtaking abilities in my life. He created me to worship Him body and soul. To lift my hands. dance, sing, shout, jump. He knows my inner most parts and yet He loves me. He sculpted me with His very own hands to bring glory to His name. He knew who my parents would be and that I would grow up in a small town in Va. He created me to ride my bike, pull weeds in the garden, play with my Barbies & baby dolls, sing to Olivia Newton John and the Bee Gees with a round hair brush. He knew I would love the color yellow and paint my room that color only to grow bored with it a year later. He knew I would have a sister 6 years older than me and that we wouldn't really be close until later in life. He knew that I would be a daddy's girl and later struggle in my relationship with him in my teen years. He knew what friends I would have and who would influence me. He knew the pains and joys I would experience throughout my school years. He knew I would struggle with weight issues my whole life. He knew I would compare myself to others and make poor choices at times. He knew I where I would attend college and who I would marry. He knew I would have 4 kids and move way too many times in my adult life. And yet through it all, God kept me in the palm of His hand and guided me each step of the way.

"Your thoughts- how rare, how beautiful; God, I'll never comprehend them! I couldn't even begin to count them- any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh. let me rise in the morning and live always with you! And please, God, do away with wickedness for good! And you murderers-out of here!- all the men and women who belittle you, God, infatuated with cheap god-imitations. See how I hate those who hate you, God, see how I loathe all this godless arrogance; I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred. Your enemies are my enemies!"

Lord how can I live in this world and not be affected by those who hate you and turn their backs on you? It hurts me to see others chose a life of full blown out sin. I pray I can be a light in this darkness and celebrate who You are in my life as a testimony to others.

"Investigate my life, O God, find everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong- then guide me on the road to eternal life."

I love it God, that You will search me, investigate me, know all there is to know about me and you will guide me down the road of eternal life. I have nothing to fear. You know my heart and all that is in it and are willing to guide me down the right path as long as I am ready and willing. What an incredible God we have an opportunity to serve. It is a choice we each have to make for ourselves. I know my life has been so much better walking in His grace and love. I could have a life full of darkness, sin, anger, hatred. But I choose long ago that I needed a Savior. I am not perfect by any means. Daily I call upon Him to give me wisdom, to order my steps, to guide me. I want to know in my heart of hearts and walk in the confidence of God daily. I want others to know what I have walked through and know that God has been with me each step of the way;the good, the bad, the ugly. I realize I have a lot more growing to do in my relationship with Him. In that, I want to know and believe what His word says about me, His daughter. God isn't obsessed about my dress size, my current hairstyle or wardrobe. He isn't put off by the kind of car I drive, what part of town I live in or if I have a job at a particular place. No, all that matters to God is my relationship with Him and His relationship with me. Everything else will fade away, including my dress size. ;)

Our pool experience.

About a week ago my husband and I splurged and bought a pool for our family. My husband found a great deal, we had been looking for one and we snatched it up. We ordered it online and kept it a secret from our kids. We were so excited! Daily we were checking our email to see if it had shipped yet, when it had shipped, estimated time it would be here, where it was, etc. We would talk in veiled terms if the kids were in the room and give each other knowing grins. All we told the kids was that we had a surprise for them and would receive it soon.

Yesterday our "package" arrived. I hid it in the garage and told the kids when they got home they couldn't go out there. I gave some lame excuse and thankfully they were okay with it. My husband came home early from work and worked a little on our yard out back, leveling off the area the pool would go. It was hot and we were sweating, but we didn't care. This was for our kids and we were excited to get started!

Since we had worship rehearsal last night we weren't able to set the pool up until after we got home, which was around 10pm. My husband and I are both night owls by nature so we were okay with this for the first hour or so. But getting up at 6am catches up with you pretty quick. Still we forged ahead and were determined to see the project complete.

We got the tarp laid out and set the pool on top. We than had to inflate the ring around the top. So my husband got his air compressor only to find that it wouldn't work. I dug around in the garage for our air mattress pump, found it, but couldn't use that because the batteries were dead. Unfortunately we didn't have any extra D batteries lying around. (Who does?, No, really) Still, we were not to be deterred. We both took turns blowing up the ring ourselves. Yes, we used the breath God gave us to blow up a very BIG ring at the top of the pool. I guess it's a good thing we sing because I was able to take some REALLY deep breaths. I kind of wish we would have recorded us setting this up, I know it was hilarious.

During all of this my kids are sound asleep, we are trying to be as quiet as we can outside so we don't disturb our neighbors and we are trying not to pass out. We were finally able to fill the pool with water, which was going to take about 4 hours. This would put us to bed at 2:30 am with both of us getting up just 4 hours later. Still, we pushed through the tiredness and frustration to have it ready in the morning so the kids could see it before school.

As we were going through this whole process I had a "revelation." My husband and I wanted to bless our kids and surprise them with something we knew they would enjoy so much. We couldn't wait to see their faces and looks of surprise at what we had done for them. My kids would not know what we had gone through to set it up. They wouldn't know about the late night, loss of sleep, blowing the ring up by hand, no batteries, etc. All they would know was that mom and dad surprised us and "I can't wait to get home from school so I can swim."

God does stuff for us that is such a blessing and so incredible and yet we have no idea what He had to do to bless us. We have no clue the things He had to rearrange, move out of the way, reroute to get us to a place of blessing. He is always working on our behalf, even when we are sleeping and yet we have no clue. We have no idea what He gave up to give us the best and greatest blessing of all.... eternal life. We may have a glimpse of the pain and agony He experienced, but to fully know? I don't think so.

God's love for us far surpasses any love we have ever felt. His love brings us back again and again. His love leads us, surrounds us, encompasses our very being. I love my kids so much and yet to realize God loves me, them, us so much more is mind blowing. And just like we want to bless our kids; will sometimes make great sacrifices for them, will stay up late for them, will protect and provide for them, will accept them for who they are..... God does it for us even more. Oh, how He truly... deeply.... madly.... incredibly.... loves us.

Amazing God!

God is amazing! He truly is. And I hate to admit it, but I don't always see how amazing He really is. The thing is, God will amaze me in different ways than He will amaze you. Why? Because we are all unique and individual in our ideas, thoughts and ways to be amazed.

I am a pretty simple person, grew up in a small town, have mostly lived in small towns, so I am amazed by pretty much anything..... Well ok, maybe not anything, but I think you get my point.

The other day, my husband and I went to buy a dining room table. Pretty uneventful task. We had some coupons we were hoping to use so we didn't have to pay full price, we had saved up our money and were prepared to finagle if need be. We found out once we got there, that we could only use one of the coupons. But my husband found an old sticker on the table that was $50.00 cheaper than the original price. So we pointed that out, used one of our coupons and went home. We went to put the table together and a huge corner piece had broken off. So, we called the store, took it back and they proceeded to give us another 5 % off. We actually paid less total than using the other two coupons we had and we still have those to use! See! Isn't God amazing???

Today we woke up to a rain storm. My kids were in heaven; outside running around barefoot, jumping in puddles. Then my boys decided to go in our back yard, which is dirt and have a mud fight. I stood safely inside, looking out the window and watched as they laughed, ran, jumped in a huge mud puddle and literally covered themselves with mud. It was so fun to see them have a wonderful time, making a fun memory. To me another of God's amazing gifts.

Tonight we had the opportunity to have some new friends over. I spent my afternoon cooking, cleaning and enjoying the preparation of having company. I was so thankful for my kitchen and space that I now have to entertain friends and host gatherings. I didn't realize how much I missed all that until later. I was again amazed at God's goodness for blessing us with a beautiful home to enjoy and a safe neighborhood to live in.

I look at my sweet kids and am amazed at how they are growing and becoming such interesting and unique people. I watched my oldest son tonight as he talked and interacted with the adults. I loved his facial features and the look in his eyes as he got excited about a story he was telling. I am amazed at how my daughter is able to befriend anyone and make them feel special. I am amazed at how my middle son is growing and learning to be a young man. And I am amazed at my youngest son's love for me. I love how he will come in from outside and be hot, sweaty and breathing hard but he will come and give me a hug or a kiss, just to let me know he loves me. An amazing reminder of God's love for me. :)

My husband amazes me with his music abilities. Just tonight he sat down and played the keyboard, working through some music for Sunday. Our home was filled with a sweet presence and peace. God came in and ministered to my heart.

God amazes me in a million ways! He amazes me with His love and His goodness. He amazes me with His faithfulness, His grace. He amazes me with His word. He amazes me in that He knows me, created me, sees the deepest parts of me and yet....He loves me still. He amazes me with His patience, His provision. He is incredible and mind blowing and super. He sees me in my struggles, knows my strengths and pushes me towards discovering them myself.

God has given me an amazing life. I don't always appreciate it or see it. But He really has. He has given me opportunities that I couldn't have experienced on my own. He has opened doors for me that are mind-blowing. He has allowed me to travel all over the world, meet some awesome people, minister in some rough places and yet see the glory of His presence. He allowed me to attend a Spirit led Bible college and learn first hand the reality of living a faith filled life. He has blessed me with an incredible husband who loves God, me and our sweet children. He has given me four amazing kids that constantly teach me about the Father's love. He has allowed me to live in some of the most beautiful places in the world; from the Blue Ridge mountains of Va., to Kodiak Island Ak. From the majestic mountain ranges of interior Alaska to the bustling city of Seattle and than the beautiful, vast landscape of the desert. I don't always "get" the plan of God. But I am open to His way. I am willing for Him to amaze me, blow my mind and bless my socks off! Even if it is in ways that seem impossible or make no sense.

I choose to trust, to stand and to be amazed in His presence.

"Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him. How I've proved Him o'er and o'er. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus. oh for grace to trust Him more....."

The move

It has been a while since I have posted anything on here. I have a good reason though.... we moved into our new place. I have to say, I am loving it! It is such a blessing to spread out, hang your clothes in the closet, hang pictures up on the wall, drink from your own glasses, eat off of your own plates and sleep in your own bed! It's the little things that make me happy, really.

Daily I am unpacking boxes, rearranging things, making room for other things I feel are important and deciding if I should get rid of things we don't use as often. I have found old baby pictures of the kids and am enjoying the memories they have stirred in my heart. I am enjoying setting up my home and filling it with pictures, decor, furniture that makes our house a home. We had been living out of our suitcases for awhile, so I REALLY appreciate being able to settle down and not have wrinkly (is that even a word?) clothes. :)

In the process of all of this, I have been dealing with things I thought had been dealt with, forgiven, healed. It is hard when God decides to bring something before you that you really thought you had dealt with. (Ugh! Will I ever arrive???)

I realize that God wants to take away some of those "things" I have been carting around with each "move" I have made. Those things that I had packed away in a box and forgotten about. I think God in his mercy gave me a break from dealing with the envy, insecurities, wrong attitudes, misperceptions, etc. that must be laid out on the table, so I can move forward. So that I can enjoy the destination.

Now, here I am with a "box" or two full of these emotions I thought I had control over. And I think, "Lord what do you want me to do?" I am not sure I want to face all of this..... again. That means I have to feel and remember things that hurt or worse, confront who I really am.

It all goes back to trusting Him. It's all I can do, in whatever situation I am in. He will take me by the hand and lead me to a better place in Him. But why is it so hard?

I am so in need of a Savior. I think more now than years ago when I was making bad choices and ruining my life. I am reminded daily of His amazing love for me; through a sunset (which are incredible in AZ, by the way), through the sweet affection of my children, a thoughtful act from my spouse. God reminds me in His word that is powerful, full of life, and doesn't return to Him void. I am reminded in the songs I sing, the sermons I hear, the conversations I have with my fellow Christian brothers and sisters.

I am humbled that God loves me enough to not allow me to stay where I am. He will allow me to carry around my "box" of "stuff" for only so long and than, He gently and lovingly asks for it back. He wants me whole and healed. He wants me full of life and power. He wants me to be a walking, breathing testimony of Him. He wants me to come to terms with where I am and see that isn't where he wants me to stay. He wants me (and you) to fulfill ALL He has placed inside of us. I can't stand aside and say, "Why me?". I have to ask, "Why not me?". Than I have to be okay with the answer.

I am thankful for the place God has me in now. Do I understand it all? No, not at all. But, I know God's way is the best way. I have messed up too many times and tried to figure things out too often to keep striving for the answers I want. I just want to rest in my Father's arms, lean my head on His chest and breathe. Allowing Him to heal, soothe, repair, mend and whatever else needs to be done. He will take each item out of the box and together we will work through those things. And than when it is empty, we may need to open another. Or he may choose to wait until another time.

I know though, that no matter what, He will be right here with me. He will help me to arrange, throw out, display, etc. whatever is there. I am not alone, and for that I am so very thankful.

Learning to lean....

The other morning I woke up to the chorus of an old church song running through my head. Some of you may know it; "Learning to lean, learning to lean. I'm learning to lean on Jesus. Finding more power than I'd ever dreamed. I'm learning to lean, on Jesus." It has been running through my head over and over, reminding me of the importance of leaning on Him. It is something I struggle with. I feel I can do such a better job with working things out in my life. Even though I know deep down that is far from the truth. Daily I must lay down my dreams and ambitions and trust that God knows what He is doing. I must let go of those things I continue to hold on to, allowing God to do His "thing." He has shown me time and time again that He IS faithful, that He works all things out for my good, that He knows me better than I know myself.

Before we left Washington state, we attended church with my husbands aunt and uncle. The pastor there prayed for our family and encouraged me to continue in my journey with God, and to just relax. God has it all under control. I have held onto that. When I get anxious, upset, frustrated, I try to take a step back and relax. Granted, it hasn't come easily. But I want it to become an instant reaction instead of me freaking out about things. I have a long way to go people.

Jillian Michaels says that "trying is setting yourself up for failure". So I will not "try" to remind myself of God's promises, I will do. I will turn to His word. I will remember those scriptures I have memorized through the years, the ones that were embedded in my heart when I was a child. I will stop trying to trust and just do it. Even though it really scares me. Sounds funny huh? To be afraid to trust in the One who created us. But I will do it. I will stop making excuses for myself and move forward in what God has for my life.

I believe we are on a new adventure, as I have shared in the past. I believe God has us in this region for a reason. I believe God has directed and ordered our steps this far and He will continue. I believe He has some amazing ministry opportunities for us. I believe they involve daily relationships with people and being a light in this city. He has already blessed us with a strong support group here and the opportunity to work with some amazing people. He has also given us opportunities to meet some great people.

He is setting us up. That's what He does... He sets us up, not for failure but for success. So, with this in mind, I will continue in learning to lean on my Savior.

"I've thrown myself headlong into Your arms - I'm celebrating Your rescue. I'm singing at the top of my lungs, I'm so full of answered prayers. " Psalm 13:5,6 MSG