Learning to lean....

The other morning I woke up to the chorus of an old church song running through my head. Some of you may know it; "Learning to lean, learning to lean. I'm learning to lean on Jesus. Finding more power than I'd ever dreamed. I'm learning to lean, on Jesus." It has been running through my head over and over, reminding me of the importance of leaning on Him. It is something I struggle with. I feel I can do such a better job with working things out in my life. Even though I know deep down that is far from the truth. Daily I must lay down my dreams and ambitions and trust that God knows what He is doing. I must let go of those things I continue to hold on to, allowing God to do His "thing." He has shown me time and time again that He IS faithful, that He works all things out for my good, that He knows me better than I know myself.

Before we left Washington state, we attended church with my husbands aunt and uncle. The pastor there prayed for our family and encouraged me to continue in my journey with God, and to just relax. God has it all under control. I have held onto that. When I get anxious, upset, frustrated, I try to take a step back and relax. Granted, it hasn't come easily. But I want it to become an instant reaction instead of me freaking out about things. I have a long way to go people.

Jillian Michaels says that "trying is setting yourself up for failure". So I will not "try" to remind myself of God's promises, I will do. I will turn to His word. I will remember those scriptures I have memorized through the years, the ones that were embedded in my heart when I was a child. I will stop trying to trust and just do it. Even though it really scares me. Sounds funny huh? To be afraid to trust in the One who created us. But I will do it. I will stop making excuses for myself and move forward in what God has for my life.

I believe we are on a new adventure, as I have shared in the past. I believe God has us in this region for a reason. I believe God has directed and ordered our steps this far and He will continue. I believe He has some amazing ministry opportunities for us. I believe they involve daily relationships with people and being a light in this city. He has already blessed us with a strong support group here and the opportunity to work with some amazing people. He has also given us opportunities to meet some great people.

He is setting us up. That's what He does... He sets us up, not for failure but for success. So, with this in mind, I will continue in learning to lean on my Savior.

"I've thrown myself headlong into Your arms - I'm celebrating Your rescue. I'm singing at the top of my lungs, I'm so full of answered prayers. " Psalm 13:5,6 MSG

Enjoying the journey

A week ago today my family and I left Washington state and began our journey to Arizona. Before we left a friend told me to enjoy this journey we were embarking on. He reminded me of this along the way. It was a good trip in spite of little situations that tried to throw us off course. But God is so good and He got us here safely. We stayed with some friends along the way and reconnected, we saw some amazing farmland and grew a deep appreciation for all the farmers who grow our produce. We experienced being in LA traffic at rush hour. "Whew!" What an adventure! I had some amazing conversations with my kids and we made memories along the way. We reached our destination early Friday morning and crashed for a few hours.

Our time since has been full of making new friendships, meeting new people and building upon friendships we started on our visit in May. I have enjoyed the time of fellowship and relaxation before our lives get busy once again. We have experienced some pretty intense weather and yet I am told it will only get hotter! Help me Jesus!! We have enjoyed some good family time at the pool and taking walks or just hanging out in the evenings.

I am looking forward to this new and different season in our lives. We have a lot to learn about desert living. But are looking forward to enjoying the new experiences. I realize our "journey" didn't stop once we got here, it has continued.

A few years ago, God gave me a scripture that I really clung to. He reminded me of it last night. Isaiah 51:3 says, "For the Lord will comfort Zion, He will comfort all her waste places; He will make her wilderness like Eden, And her desert like the garden of the Lord: Joy and gladness will be found in it, Thanksgiving and the voice of melody." I am looking forward to the Lord making my wilderness like Eden, my desert like His garden. He said that joy and gladness would be found in my garden, along with thanksgiving and new songs. I say, "Do it Lord!" I am ready for the change and the growth. I am ready for a new season and whatever it holds. (You may need to remind of this later ;) I realize it won't always be easy, fun, "sunny". But God has promised me a peace and joy, He has promised me a beautiful garden. He has promised me a new song to sing. So I lift my hands high, I raise my voice and I proclaim His goodness and love to all the earth.

Let me leave you with Isaiah 51:3 in the Message, "Likewise, I, God, will comfort Zion, comfort all her mounds of ruins. I'll transform her dead ground into Eden, her moonscape into the garden of God. A place filled with exuberance and laughter, thankful voices and melodic songs."

Be blessed and enjoy the journey, whatever it is, that God has you on!

It all matters

Last weekend my husband and I took a trip to the Phoenix, AZ area. We led worship at a great church, met some amazing people and had some wonderful time to ourselves. We enjoyed the sun and even the heat. Sounds crazy, but living in Alaska for 10 years makes you appreciate warmth from the big yellow thing in the sky. (My AK friends know what I'm talking about). After being there and connecting with the church that we were ministering in, we made a big decision to move our whole family. We will be helping a growing church in the Phoenix area leading worship and connecting with the community. I am excited, overwhelmed, ecstatic, blessed, in awe and sad to leave the friends I have made here. So many emotions and feelings.

I recognize that our lives will be changing in so many ways. Yet, some things will stay the same. I will miss the green and lush vegetation of the northwest. I will miss the coolness, the marked seasons, the rain. But I look forward to the beauty I will find in the terrain of the desert. I look forward to the new friendships that will be formed, the ministry that will take place and the sweet memories that will be made. I look forward to my kids discovery of something new, the friends they will meet and the growth that will take place in their lives.

As a family we have weathered some storms. I realize those storms are all a part of God building us and shaping us into more of Him. I am excited to see how God will use those situations so we can minister to others and encourage them.

This morning as I was getting ready for the day I put on a song from Deluge. It is called "Worshiping You". As I listened to the words and took some time to really meditate on them, I was struck by the simplicity of my relationship with God. He desires me to give it all to Him, to trust Him and to allow Him to love me as I fall more and more in love with Him. The chorus says, "Here I am, worshiping You. With all I am, worshiping You. Bowing down, in Spirit and truth. With lifted hands, worshiping You." I thought, yeah Lord, here I am. Here I am with all my fears, my dreams, my hopes. Here I am with all my insecurities, doubts, unbelief. Here I am with all that is in me. Everything.... holding nothing back, because You know Lord. You know it all. I bow down to You in surrender, not just physically but spiritually too. Lifting my hands, giving it all to You.

So tonight as I was in the car with my husband, complaining about a situation, God spoke to my heart and said, "Is this worship to me?" Ouch..... My worship to Him is more than lifted hands and singing from my lips. It is interaction with my family, helping my children, listening to my husband. It is washing dishes and folding laundry. Worship is respecting my husband, loving my children and being a good friend. It is honoring my parents and in-laws. Worship is living this life God has given me and pointing others to Him through my actions.

Another part of the song says, "I'm gonna worship You forever, I;m gonna worship You." If we really think about that, it is so mind blowing. We get to worship the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, FOREVER. Wow! What an honor.

As you go about your day, remember that it all matters to God.

Singing through the transition

Transition is a noun that means; movement, passage or change from one position, state, subject, concept, etc. to another. In musical terms transition means; a. a passing from one key to another, modulation, b. a brief modulation, c. a sudden unprepared modulation. As I look over these different definitions, I feel my life fits in the music sense of transition. The sudden unprepared modulation. I have been unprepared mentally, physically, even spiritually for the things we have faced recently. It has been a bit unsettling and frustrating. I am believing that things are going to smooth out and we will transition into a "key" of sweet harmonies and soothing melodies.

Life is full of changes, transitions, roller coaster rides. It is full of joy, sweetness and good memories. At times it throws some big curves that throw us off track and get our focus on little things. But it is so important to keep our eyes on Jesus. He is the author and the finisher of our faith. It is also important to see the Big picture. You know the one.... that desire you have stirring in your heart, the dream that seems so unreachable. With God nothing is impossible. It doesn't say, some things are impossible or that one thing is impossible. No, it says NOTHING!

So whatever you are facing today, know that God already has it taken care of. He knows what phase of your life you are living. He knows what part you are to sing or play. He knows the instruments you need to accomplish the task. He knows whether you are to join in on the harmony or stick to the melody or maybe, you are to sing in unison. He knows if you have rehearsed your part or are looking at it for the first time. He knows! That is the key thing to remember. He will guide, if we let Him.

Seasons & assignments

Even though I am not a morning person by nature, I do love the quietness of the morning. After my kids are all up and out the door, I relish the quiet and peaceful calm of the morning. It is especially nice after a mad rush. As I sit here this morning, I have my cup of tea and my ever growing puppy close by. It is a little overcast but looks to be a nice day. I have my daily/weekly/monthly planner in front of me so I can plan out my week. Which tends to get busy pretty quick. I do have to schedule in laundry, workouts and bible reading in the midst of everything else. Time has a way of getting away from me if I am not careful. Thankfully my planner is not as full as when I was attending college full time. During that season of my life I even had to schedule in bathroom breaks. (Well, maybe not, but it sure felt like it at times.)

While I was in school, my time was full of learning new music, practicing voice and piano, working on class projects and completing weekly assignments. Along with that, I had dinners to cook, clothes to wash and kids to guide through life, school,etc. It was overwhelming at times, but thankfully my husband helped in many ways. I definitely couldn't have completed my degree without his encouragement, guidance and help. We both recognized the season we were in and ran with it. Literally at times!

Right now, I am still working through this season of my life. It has not been an easy season to be in, but I do believe it is coming to a close. Some good things are on the horizon and God is opening some amazing doors that really, only He could open for us. I am excited and anxious. Yet I know God is working on my behalf as His daughter. I am taking each day at a time and trying to stay focused on the plan and purpose God has for my life.

A lot of my time has been spent just waiting on the Lord and resting in Him. So hard! At least for me...... I am a doer by nature. I want to make sure everyone is taken care of in my life and things are going according to what has been planned. Reality is, my life has not been there. It has been a jumbled mess of ups and downs, highs and lows, craziness mixed with a little bit of calm. But in the midst of it all I do know God has a plan and a purpose for this season.

Yesterday as I was singing in the choir of the church we are attending, I felt God speak to me about my assignment at this particular place. I am not totally sure of all the details, but I know God has my husband and I there for a season. We are both having to take a step back and serve in a capacity we haven't for a long time. It has been a challenge for me personally. But I want to learn whatever God wants to teach me and have a right attitude. Easier said than done.

An assignment is a particular task or duty one has been asked to perform. It is also a position of responsibility. So, I ask myself, "What is the particular task or duty You want me to perform while here, Lord?" "What is my position of responsibility?" Looking at these two questions and thinking about them, helps put things in perspective for me. I think of the scripture in Ecclesiastes 3, that talks about everything having a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. There is so much more to that passage of scripture than I realize. It says to EVERYTHING there IS a season. Everything! Nothing is left to chance or happenstance. God has created us with a specific purpose in mind for our lives. But it goes much further than that. In each season of our life, we have a specific assignment or assignments to carry out. Maybe God places someone in our lives that we need to share His love and goodness with. Maybe there is someone who needs encouragement, a helping hand, a word that will get them through the day. Maybe it is a smile, a hug, a pat on the back. It could be a kind word, a prayer prayed or a story told.

I know that my steps are ordered by the Lord. I know I desire to be a living, walking, breathing testimony of Him. I want my life to smell sweet and be an encouragement to others.

Sometimes in the big picture of life, it is easy to forget the smaller things. The details that really matter. That is where knowing your assignment comes in. When you know the specific assignment for the specific season of your life, than you can endure whatever comes your way. (And by endure, I don't necessarily mean difficult things.)

Sometimes our assignment is for us to complete for ourselves. Sometimes the assignment is for us to complete on behalf of someone else. Sometimes God uses our assignment to change us, other times it is to help others change. At times our assignment may be easy or even fun. But there may be times it is hard and very challenging. I know though with each assignment, we need to give it our best. We may need help along the way. And God is very willing to help, but we need to put that extra effort into it so we can get a good "grade".

I know I want to pass this assignment. I want to use the time I have and be a Godly example to others. I want to see things through God's perspective and give Him the opportunity to change me. I want to be willing for Him to teach me, rearrange me and improve on what He has already placed inside of me.

So, I will carry out my assignment with His grace and guidance. I will allow Him to work in my heart as needed, to work on my attitude and to make me more like Him. Because I know this assignment leads me to the next one, which could be the beginning of some great things. :)

God's love; dedicated to Hannah

Sunday was a sweet day for me. My kids and husband let me sleep in a bit. They woke me with a rousing "Happy Mother's Day!!" followed by hugs and kisses. One of my boys handed me my favorite coffee drink from Starbucks, my daughter held a potted Calla Lilly plant (my favorite flower) and my husband gave me a choice of blueberry or chocolate chip coffee cake (low fat of course). Then my boys brought out the gifts they had lovingly made for me at school. I loved it all! I will miss those handmade gifts.

During worship at church that morning we sang the song "How He loves". As I lifted my hands in worship to my Savior I was overcome by the love He has for me as His child. It was a tender moment for me. Sometimes I forget how deeply God really does love me. I am concerned about all the things I struggle with. I forget that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. I forget that God's love for me is so much more than I know. I think of the love I have for my children and am reminded my heavenly Father's love is so much more. It's amazing, truly amazing.

Tomorrow we will celebrate my daughter's 12th birthday. I can't help but think back to my pregnancy with her and the day she was born. In the beginning of my pregnancy I was extremely sick with her. I couldn't hold anything down and was miserable. As we both got adjusted to each other and I got further in my pregnancy things smoothed out a bit and I felt almost normal. I loved feeling her move inside of me and being in awe of God's miraculous gift of life. I also remember nearing the end and feeling scared yet ready to have her in my arms. She arrived 2 weeks after her due date; healthy, bright eyed and beautiful!

She has been such a joy in my life. And now as she is maturing and turning into a sweet young lady I am reminded of God's faithfulness and abundant blessings. I pray she will be the woman God desires her to be, that her heart will always be turned towards Him. I pray she will be light in the darkness, stand strong in her convictions and show others His love. I pray she will not be brought down by societies standards but live according to God's standards, bringing others up in the process. I pray she will fulfill the dreams God has placed in her life and live with passion and purpose. I pray she will not conform to the world or be influenced by the media industry. I pray God will continue to give me, her mother, wisdom and the ability to be a positive example of a Godly woman. I pray she will not compromise her beliefs for the love of man. I pray she will find a wonderful man who loves God and that they will have a solid, happy marriage. I pray God gives her the moon and the stars and all that is in between. I pray she will not walk the path I have walked at times but learn from my mistakes. I pray she will be a positive influence in this negative world. I pray she will rise above her circumstances and stand strong in the God who loves her. My heart is so full of love for this young lady.

As my heart is full of love for my daughter, God's heart is full of love for you. Your God is jealous for you. His love is powerful and strong. His love overwhelms us to a point that nothing else matters. Not our faults or shortcomings, fleshly desires or earthly longings. Not our selfishness or our sin. His love covers all of that! His love is amazing, it is beautiful, it is great. We are His creation, His prize. His grace in our lives is so much more than we give him credit for. And when we are in His presence we can't help but be overcome with His love. It is truly amazing!

I will end this with a line to a song we sang Sunday. I don't know the name of the song or who sings it. But the words touched my heart; "I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned to the One who gave it all." He gave it all for you and for me.

Living the dream

The other night I was lying in bed next to my husband, checking my emails etc. He was sound asleep snoring softly (?), the rain was gently falling outside, my sweet puppy was laying at my feet. I took a moment to breathe in and savor the moment.

Over the weekend we spent some time with the kids at the park. The boys played around on the playground, my daughter and I walked the dog enjoying some "girl time" together. My husband relaxed on a bench nearby. It was another moment to breathe in and savor, which I did.

On Sunday we spent some time with some of our family in the area. We sat around the table talking, catching up, laughing and enjoying each others company. It was a fun time. Another one of those moments you step away from and savor.

All these moments have been a good reminder to me of God's faithfulness. The world around me may be falling down at my feet but God remains the same. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He gives me glimpses of His true character in the madness of my life. There are so many things I can not begin to understand or comprehend. God's ways are higher. They are higher than my earthly thoughts, higher than my lofty ideals, higher than my dreams of grandeur.

In these quiet and simple moments of my life, I realize I am living "the dream". I am blessed. My kids are healthy, my husband is loving and committed to me. I have a roof over my head and food in my pantry. I have a place to lay my head every night, a reliable car to drive, clothes to wear. I attend a thriving, growing church that preaches the Word of God and encourages me in my walk with the Lord. I am healthy and have good friends. God has given me so much. That is what I need to focus on. I need to align my thinking with His word. He is my healer, my provider, my strength, my shield, my deliverer. He is my song in the night, my shelter in the storm, my fortress in which I stand.

The dreams I have when I sleep are sometimes hard to understand, don't make sense and are jumbled. Sometimes they are full of people I love and hold dear. Other times they are sad or even scary. And at times they are full of things I desire and am passionate about. But they are my dreams. And that is why I say I am living the dream.

We all have desires God has placed in our hearts. Whether or not we serve Him, He created us and placed things inside of us that we need to accomplish. Things we were created to do for Him. It's all part of the dream. Some of us know what we will do when we are 5 years old. Others may not know until we are 20, 30, 40 maybe even 50. But when we discover it, it is life changing. God wants us to pursue our passions and fulfill the dreams He has placed inside of us. Sometimes to live the dream, we have to go through some stuff. But that "stuff" helps us in realizing the dream and getting closer to our purpose.

I have gone through some "stuff" over the past 4 years. In that, God has gotten me to the place where I realize I really am living the dream. It is full of those I love and hold dear, things I desire and am passionate about. It is full of things I don't understand and things that don't make sense. But as long as I keep my eyes on Jesus, I believe He will bring me to the place where I realize my full potential in Him and am living it daily. That is what dreaming is all about!