This is the third blog I have started. I have these great ideas in my head, but have a hard time getting them out into words so others will understand what I am trying to say. I have decided to just share my heart.
I am in a different place right now and it is a little hard for me. I think with that comes my inability to express myself like I would like. I always like to share what God is doing in my life. Only I'm not too sure what He is up to in this season. But truth be told, I'm never really sure; just maybe a bit more confident.
My husband is away. He started a new job in October. He has a schedule of 6 weeks on, 2 weeks off. This time he is gone for eight weeks. It's very hard for me. I am weary and ready for him to return. I feel off balance whenever he is away. I struggle with things a little more than normal. I do get to talk with him, which I am extremely thankful for. But I don't get to feel his strong arms around me when I need a hug or hear his wonderful laugh. I don't get to cook a meal for him or get him a glass of water. I miss seeing him interact with our kids on a daily basis and deal with the boy issues that are so over my female head. I miss his warm body next to me at night and yes, even his snoring. I miss him sitting down at the piano and worshipping Jesus with a song. I miss being able to discuss things with him as they happen or soon after the fact. I miss the balance he brings to me on certain situations. Thankfully, I will see him soon. We will reconnect, laugh, sing, snuggle, enjoy our kids, share some good meals and drink a good cup of coffee together. Than it's another 6 weeks. Yuck! I really don't enjoy this. But my husband has a job and for that, I am extremely thankful!
I have also gone to work. It is mostly part time. This is an adjustment as well. My kids are doing okay and realize I am doing this to help with finances for our future home. But it is different and I am tired most of the time. I try to exercise when I can. I try to help my kids with their homework, pick them up when needed and make sure their lunches are packed or at least a sandwich is made. It's been interesting. The work I am doing is not something I love but I do see it as a mission field. I try to share Jesus wherever I am. I see this as an opportunity to show God's love and am thankful for the work and added income towards our goal.
We are living with family. It is a blessing, yet challenging at the same time. I am thankful for the opportunity we have at this time to save money.
We are not involved in ministry full time. This has been an adjustment. It has been a hard one. I am working on enjoying the rest and trusting God with the future He has promised.
Whew! I need help with this season. It is a stretch in so many ways. I want to have the right attitude but find that too often, I fail miserably. I am working on being creative and using different talents God has given me. I am learning to serve in a different capacity with effectiveness. I am learning to continue walking, even when I don't know what is around the next corner. I am learning to hang on to the dreams even though they seem so far away and we are going in what looks like the opposite direction. God hasn't given up on me. I definitely can't give up on Him. His ways are higher.
I know God always has something to teach us as His children. He always has a way to help us grow and move forward in Him. If my life is in His hands like I say and believe it is, than I need to trust. I need to understand that he is doing a good work. Probably more of a work inside me than I really want to admit. I am thankful for the friends who pray for me. I am thankful for my sis who listens and encourages me. I am thankful for my parents who believe in me. I am thankful for my in laws who support me.
We are moving forward even though it doesn't seem like it. We are going in the right direction. We are growing and maturing, which is what Christ calls us to do. Even though this season is awkward and extremely uncomfortable, I choose to allow Christ to have His perfect way in my life. I may get in the way at times, but He loves me enough to gently remind me of His perfect plan. Christ in me the hope of glory. May Christ shine in me and be my hope always. He is the glory and lifter of my head.
