My heart....

My heart is so heavy tonight as I write this. There are so many things going through my mind, so many uncertainties in my heart. I am trying to practice what I preach and stay on top of the worry, doubt, etc. But it can be so hard. I want to focus on the things I know for sure. Things like; God loves me, He has good things in store for me and my family. We have a future and a hope. He has given us wisdom and the power to get wealth. He has blessed us with every spiritual blessing. I am the head and not the tail. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is the bread of life. He is my rock and my fortress, he will never allow my foot to slip. He makes my feet like hinds feet, giving me the ability to walk in the rough places of life. He promises to take me through.... and He won't leave me nor forsake me. I realize my mind needs to be renewed daily. I choose life and I choose His word to be alive and active in me.

Once again I feel as if I am in a strange place in my relationship with Him. I so wish I knew what He was up to and what He was doing.....

I know I want to be open to His plan and purpose for my life. I know He loves me. I know I am having to let go. I know my flesh is screaming right now because of some situations and I am having to lay down my wants, wishes and desires. I am not sure where my dreams lie and if they even matter anymore. I still have them but as I grow older, I feel they are slipping away. I've never wanted to give in to that before, but am having a hard time holding on.

In the midst of all of this I want to praise Him. I want to lay it all down at the foot of the cross and let Him have it all. I know God will raise my husband and I up for such a time as this and allow us to fulfill our God given dreams and desires at the appointed time. It's just that I am growing weary in the waiting.

I know I am laying it all out there right now. But it is where I am. So, pray for me..... pray for my family. Pray God's will be done in our lives. Pray we are sensitive to the leading of His Holy Spirit no matter the cost. Pray for unity and singleness of mind and purpose. Pray we will accomplish all God has mapped out for us and that we won't back down. Pray for strength, peace and joy. Thanks!