Just let go

I always like to write and share about things God is doing in my life. A repeated theme for me seems to be trust. I am not really sure why I have such major trust issues. Maybe it is because I feel like God just can't know better than me about how my life should go. But we all know how very wrong that attitude is.

This past weekend I attended a ladies retreat put on by our church. We were surrounded by majestic mountains, towering trees and lots of beautiful, white crisp snow. It was a winter wonderland. The weekend was packed with the word, worship, fellowship, prayer and lots of ministry. There were also some great times of laughter, new friendships formed and stronger bonds made between those we already knew. It was a peaceful, restful, fun, and sweet time with fellow believers.

In the midst of all the fun, I took some time to sit before the Lord and listen, really listen. I get so busy with my kids, my work, church things, etc. that sometimes I forget to listen. And oh how I need to just listen to the Lord and what He is speaking to me. His ways are so much better than mine.

He reminded me throughout this time that He knows, He sees, He cares. He is in my corner and He has my back. He sees my dreams and they DO matter to Him. He gave me my dreams, my passions, my gifts, talents, abilities. He even gave me my struggles and has allowed the pain, frustrations, heartaches, disappointments. He also reminded me that through it all, HE IS FAITHFUL!!!! I just need to trust. I need to continue to believe, to not lose heart, to keep my heart and my mind fixed upon Him.

I am so glad I serve a God who loves and is so completely patient with His creation. He is amazing!

He has given each one of us dreams, desires, things we are passionate about. He created us for so much more than we give Him credit for or allow to be used for. My prayer for you is to let go and let HIM be the amazing and faithful God He desires to be in your life. Trust Him to do what He has spoken to your heart. Trust Him to make a way where there seems to be no way. Trust Him to provide in miraculous and supernatural ways. Nothing is too big, too small, too insignificant for our God to do. He has not forgotten. He created you to BE and to LIVE for HIM. I mean really live. Not just get up every day and go through your routine. But LIVE life to the fullest in HIM. Allow Him to take you off your normal path. Allow Him to put you in situations that are uncomfortable, trusting He will give you wisdom through it all. Allow Him to have His way. He really does have our absolute best in mind. I pray you will give it ALL to Him and allow Him to help your dreams be realized.

I am utterly and completely in love with my Savior. He is utterly and completely in love with us!

Blessed beyond measure

Blog post 9/5/11

Today I am sitting by a nice fire, enjoying the warmth. The leaves have turned and are falling outside. My boys are playing xbox in the other room. Everyone else is out working or running errands. It is quiet, peaceful and comfortable. I am enjoying the moment of solitude. They seem to be few and far between, more than I like.

A few months ago I was by a pool, soaking up some sun and reading a good book. I was also wondering what in the world we were going to do and how God was going to bring things together. Amazing how life can change so drastically in a small amount of time.

Our family has gone from the hot desert of Arizona to the bustling city of Seattle on to the wild beauty of Alaska. All in a month and a half. I wasn't too sure about coming back to Alaska. I loved the warmth of Arizona, the sun shining everyday, the breathtaking sunsets. I loved seeing the stars on a summer night, swimming more than just in summertime and wearing flip-flops or sandals all year long. I found beauty in the desert.

But God had other plans, as He usually does. Through a series of events God brought us back to Alaska. I cried, I yelled and I fought with God when I knew this was His plan. I felt like Jacob when he wrestled with the Lord. I wrestled with God, all the while knowing that whatever He was doing was for my good.

Sometimes God has plans that make no sense, or go against our comfort zone. He doesn't care about our comfort, just our obedience.

I decided before our drive to Alaska that I was going to make the most of it. I haven't always done good at that. But I am determined to enjoy and get the most out of life no matter where I am. I know we are supposed to be here. I know God brought us back here for our good. He knows the plans He has for us.... He wants us to be successful and blessed. Some things don't make sense, but they don't have to. I am choosing once again to trust.

I am in awe of God's beautiful handiwork as we drive down the road. The mountains stand at attention, their peaks waiting for the first snowfall. The trees dance in the wind, dressed in colors of gold, brown and green. The lakes reflect the terrain around them like a mirror. The skies change from brilliant blues to smokey grays with tufts of white clouds floating here and there. Alaska is a beautiful place. The most beautiful place I have ever seen. I have travelled all over the world to some amazing places. Yet Alaska still takes my breathe away.

I am thankful for the change. Thankful that God loves me enough that He will move beyond me, to get me where I need to be. I am thankful He has His best for me in His plan. I am thankful for the love and care He has for me and my family. I am thankful for His kindness. I am thankful for fellowship and friends that are friends no matter what. I am blessed beyond measure.

Receiving God's love & grace.

It has been too long since I have posted anything. We have been going through some changes again in our lives. It has been interesting, trying and adventurous all in one. I am working on keeping my mind focused on the Lord, His word and His promises for me & my family. One scripture that has been resonating in me is Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for a hope and a future." Little did I know how desperately I would cling to this scripture during this time. God has been so faithful in reminding me often. I have seen it posted on Facebook, in a picture, on a coffee mug and even on a friends commercial fishing boat in AK. Yes, God is with us everywhere we go.

My husband, daughter and I had the opportunity to travel to Kodiak, AK to sing in a friends wedding, minister at a church we had previously been a part of and enjoy time with family and friends. It was a time of reconnecting, relaxing and enjoying God's amazing creation. My husband and daughter went gill netting for salmon. We went halibut fishing on a beautiful, sunny, calm day. We had a bonfire on the beach with some friends, walked the boat docks looking at all the commercial fishing boats and sailboats. We walked on our favorite beaches looking for seashells and sea glass, enjoying the sunshine and cool ocean breeze. Best of all, we got to be apart of a dear friends wedding and got to lead worship at a church we were apart of for many years. It was such a blessing and honor. A true gift from God on so many levels. We stayed with good friends, enjoying their company over barbecued salmon, birthday cake and yummy mochas. The last night we feasted on venison, mac n cheese, salad and delicious rhubarb cake, set off firecrackers and made some sweet memories with the newly married couple.

We than headed to Wasilla, AK to visit my husbands family. It was neat to see all the work they have done on their home and property. They have worked hard and it shows.

We returned to AZ and got ready for our drive to WA. After a few days at a friends house in Glendale, we headed out to the Grand Canyon and beyond.

I love how the Lord, our Father, reminds us in His creation how deeply He loves us. His love reaches from the east to the west, is deeper than any ocean and higher than the heavens. Not only does He show in creation how much He loves us, but also in our daily everyday lives. Our trip to Alaska was a God kiss, (if you will.) From the sunshine, to the walks on the beach, the fishing trip, the conversations with dear friends. God showed His love in our move through the help of friends. He showed His grace in the long drive from AZ in keeping us safe, keeping the kids from driving each other (& us) crazy and helping Mark & I with the driving. We got good gas mileage, had great weather and the traffic was low key. God has done so much and I am so thankful.

We are now in WA., taking this time to seek His face and see what doors will be opened for our hearts desires in our lives and ministry. He is faithful. He has always come through. I know He will continue to show His character to us and in us. Our hearts are for Him and He is for us!

My heart....

My heart is so heavy tonight as I write this. There are so many things going through my mind, so many uncertainties in my heart. I am trying to practice what I preach and stay on top of the worry, doubt, etc. But it can be so hard. I want to focus on the things I know for sure. Things like; God loves me, He has good things in store for me and my family. We have a future and a hope. He has given us wisdom and the power to get wealth. He has blessed us with every spiritual blessing. I am the head and not the tail. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is the bread of life. He is my rock and my fortress, he will never allow my foot to slip. He makes my feet like hinds feet, giving me the ability to walk in the rough places of life. He promises to take me through.... and He won't leave me nor forsake me. I realize my mind needs to be renewed daily. I choose life and I choose His word to be alive and active in me.

Once again I feel as if I am in a strange place in my relationship with Him. I so wish I knew what He was up to and what He was doing.....

I know I want to be open to His plan and purpose for my life. I know He loves me. I know I am having to let go. I know my flesh is screaming right now because of some situations and I am having to lay down my wants, wishes and desires. I am not sure where my dreams lie and if they even matter anymore. I still have them but as I grow older, I feel they are slipping away. I've never wanted to give in to that before, but am having a hard time holding on.

In the midst of all of this I want to praise Him. I want to lay it all down at the foot of the cross and let Him have it all. I know God will raise my husband and I up for such a time as this and allow us to fulfill our God given dreams and desires at the appointed time. It's just that I am growing weary in the waiting.

I know I am laying it all out there right now. But it is where I am. So, pray for me..... pray for my family. Pray God's will be done in our lives. Pray we are sensitive to the leading of His Holy Spirit no matter the cost. Pray for unity and singleness of mind and purpose. Pray we will accomplish all God has mapped out for us and that we won't back down. Pray for strength, peace and joy. Thanks!

He will carry you

Almost a month has passed since I have written in my blog. A lot has happened in my life. I turned 40. Yes, the big 4-0!!! I have to say, I'm liking it pretty well. My husband and I celebrated our wedding anniversary of 14 years. So much has happened in our lives in that time that I have to say, it sometimes feels like 24 or more. But I wouldn't trade a minute of it! I signed up as a Pampered Chef consultant, which I am super excited about. I also was in a scooter accident. It was pretty serious and I was flow to a hospital in Phoenix that specialized in neurological cases because they thought it was so severe. During the time of my accident, we also had to give our beautiful, sweet puppy away. Our hearts were so broken. So yeah, a lot has happened and I am taking it all in daily. Some good and some very painful, not just physically but emotionally as well.

The accident has definitely made me slow down a lot and take things very slow. I have realized even more how things in your life can change in an instant. We go along living our lives, expecting things to stay the same and than... BAM! Something major or even something minor can happen and change our circumstances. It can be good or bad as well. Life is not always easy or even good. It can be painful and we get hurt. We lose things, people; we have setbacks, we get ill, we hurt and we cry and we wonder how a good God can allow things to happen like they do. We see world disasters and people killing others they love. We read about war and starvation. We experience an economy that is losing ground and we wonder what next? Does God even care?

I wish so bad that I had answers. But I don't. No one does really. The only answers we can find are in the Word of God. And sometimes reading His word doesn't make sense. But I do know that He promises to never leave me or forsake me. He promises that goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. He told me He is my Shepherd and I shall not want. He has green pastures for me to lie in and rivers of living water for me to drink from. He has prepared a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. I may walk through the valley of death, but I have nothing to fear. He promises that whatever I place my hands to will prosper. He promises to be my Provider, my Healer, my Rock and my Fortress. He has gone before me to fight my battles and I must stand to see His goodness.

I have to believe and I have to trust. That is what we all must do in this walk of faith. It is not easy. It is hard, it is heartbreaking and it is dirty. It can be exhausting and so overwhelming. BUT GOD is in the midst of my mess and He will come through for me and my family. Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world. God has a future and a hope. He has a plan that is great and life giving. A plan that will rock my world in such a way that I will be able to look back and say, "Thank You God."

We do have an enemy that is out to not only knock us down, but keep us there. The awesome thing is, we don't have to stay down. God is reaching out His righteous right hand and pulling us up to stand upon Him and His word. He has our back. He has gone before us and is making a way where there seems to be no way.

Maybe your life is good and you don't need to know any of this. But I know there are others out there who have been knocked down in some way or another and you are needing some hope and encouragement. I am here today to tell you, "You can make it! God IS for you and His way is perfect. Let Him have it all. He'll do a much better job than you ever could."

God is our ever present help in times of need. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Let Him carry the load.

Great Expectations!

Today I sit here with great expectations. These expectations are ones that no man can fill. They must be laid at the feet of my Master and than I must wait. I feel God is doing some shifting and changing in my view and perception of life. He is a different God in my eyes than the one I accepted into my heart 30 years ago. Back than He was the Savior of a child. One who had yet some life to live, people to meet and things to experience. I realize, He will be different to me in another 30 years. It's not that He is the one who has changed for He never changes but stays the same, yesterday, today and forever. It is me who has changed. God and I have had our ups and downs. We have had our all out, drag out fights (like Jacob), we have had our moments of surrender (like Mary), we have had our moments of strength building & encouragement(like Gideon). I have turned my back on God, only realizing that I can't because He is all around me. I have refused to acknowledge Him in certain situations, once again realizing that it is He who has given me ALL things.

I know the God I serve is merciful. His mercies are new every morning. He gives me strength to walk through each day. He gives me wisdom when faced with challenges that I don't know what to do. He gives me peace in the midst of the storm. He gives me faith and grows that faith daily. I must trust Him, for He is all I have, all I am and all I can give to others needing hope.

My expectation for him is simply, more of Him. I think of the old worship chorus that goes, "I need you more, more than yesterday. I need you more, more than words can say. I need you more than ever before. I need you more, I need you Lord. More than air I breathe, more than song I sing. More than the next heartbeat, more than anything. And Lord as time goes by, I will be by your side. 'Cause I never want to go back, to my old life." That song could be my anthem. I never want to go back to where I was before He was in my life. I never want to go back to where I was with Him in my life even 6 months ago. I want to grow, to move forward and to believe all the things He has promised for my life.

I realize I may need to rethink some dreams. I may need to plan more for the times of hardship. I may need to just let it all go and know that He Is Faithful! God has shown Himself to me time and time again. It is my choice to actually see and follow His guidance. I think of the story in 1 Kings 18:41-46. There has been no rain in the land and Elijah goes up to pray on Mt. Carmel. He tells his servant to go look for a cloud. The servant comes back time 7 times and tells Elijah each time, "There is nothing." Each time Elijah says, "Go again." Then on the 7th time there is a cloud as small as a man's hand, rising out of the sea. And God brings rain to the land.

I need to see the cloud of rain. I may need to go and look again and again. But God keeps reminding me, IT IS THERE! He WILL rain down His showers of blessing in my life to where I am overflowing and can't contain them. He WILL open His floodgates of heaven. He WILL give my husband and I the desires of our hearts and we WILL accomplish much for His kingdom.

I am choosing to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am choosing to see the greatness of God. I am choosing to see the cloud of abundant blessing. I am choosing to see God's faithfulness, His glory and His promises in light of my earthly trials. I am choosing to see and to expect great things from my Lord!

Our foolishness= God's wisdom

"God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and he chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."1 Corinthians 1:27. NCV

Today as I was starting my day, God brought this verse to my mind. I thought about it for awhile and realized that God uses me in spite of me. Lately my life has been interesting, to say the least. It has been one thing after another and I feel as if I am doing good to hang on. I am just so thankful for God's mercy and His grace. Daily I am trying to keep my head above water and trust God at His word. He has been incredibly faithful to me and my family time and time again. He has blessed us with good health, a lovely home, good friends. He has watched over us and protected us, provided for us and met our needs in unique ways.

I don't want to take Him or anything He has done for granted. And yet, I do. I grumble and complain and cry. I yell at God and question Him often. I get mad at Him and wonder if His word is true. Ugh!

My husband reminded me today that God is not an instant, microwave God. He does things in His time and His way. God loves me I know, but I forget that He loves me enough to put me in circumstances to change me and allow me opportunities to be more like Him. Yes, He wants me to be blessed and to live a joyful, victorious life. But more than anything He wants me to reflect Him. I so desire to move forward, to trust and to have a peace regardless of what my circumstances are.

I don't have things all together and I certainly haven't arrived. But my heart is to be more like Him. 1 Corinthians 1:27 is a reminder to all of us that God can use us if we are willing to be used. He uses us in our brokenness, our weaknesses, our failures. He uses us at times when we are at our lowest.

I'm so glad He does! I may not feel all together spiritually but it's okay. I'm working, growing, changing and getting there. I'm glad God will use me in my foolishness, weakness and at times shame. He is such an amazing God!