It has been a while since I have posted anything on here. I have a good reason though.... we moved into our new place. I have to say, I am loving it! It is such a blessing to spread out, hang your clothes in the closet, hang pictures up on the wall, drink from your own glasses, eat off of your own plates and sleep in your own bed! It's the little things that make me happy, really.
Daily I am unpacking boxes, rearranging things, making room for other things I feel are important and deciding if I should get rid of things we don't use as often. I have found old baby pictures of the kids and am enjoying the memories they have stirred in my heart. I am enjoying setting up my home and filling it with pictures, decor, furniture that makes our house a home. We had been living out of our suitcases for awhile, so I REALLY appreciate being able to settle down and not have wrinkly (is that even a word?) clothes. :)
In the process of all of this, I have been dealing with things I thought had been dealt with, forgiven, healed. It is hard when God decides to bring something before you that you really thought you had dealt with. (Ugh! Will I ever arrive???)
I realize that God wants to take away some of those "things" I have been carting around with each "move" I have made. Those things that I had packed away in a box and forgotten about. I think God in his mercy gave me a break from dealing with the envy, insecurities, wrong attitudes, misperceptions, etc. that must be laid out on the table, so I can move forward. So that I can enjoy the destination.
Now, here I am with a "box" or two full of these emotions I thought I had control over. And I think, "Lord what do you want me to do?" I am not sure I want to face all of this..... again. That means I have to feel and remember things that hurt or worse, confront who I really am.
It all goes back to trusting Him. It's all I can do, in whatever situation I am in. He will take me by the hand and lead me to a better place in Him. But why is it so hard?
I am so in need of a Savior. I think more now than years ago when I was making bad choices and ruining my life. I am reminded daily of His amazing love for me; through a sunset (which are incredible in AZ, by the way), through the sweet affection of my children, a thoughtful act from my spouse. God reminds me in His word that is powerful, full of life, and doesn't return to Him void. I am reminded in the songs I sing, the sermons I hear, the conversations I have with my fellow Christian brothers and sisters.
I am humbled that God loves me enough to not allow me to stay where I am. He will allow me to carry around my "box" of "stuff" for only so long and than, He gently and lovingly asks for it back. He wants me whole and healed. He wants me full of life and power. He wants me to be a walking, breathing testimony of Him. He wants me to come to terms with where I am and see that isn't where he wants me to stay. He wants me (and you) to fulfill ALL He has placed inside of us. I can't stand aside and say, "Why me?". I have to ask, "Why not me?". Than I have to be okay with the answer.
I am thankful for the place God has me in now. Do I understand it all? No, not at all. But, I know God's way is the best way. I have messed up too many times and tried to figure things out too often to keep striving for the answers I want. I just want to rest in my Father's arms, lean my head on His chest and breathe. Allowing Him to heal, soothe, repair, mend and whatever else needs to be done. He will take each item out of the box and together we will work through those things. And than when it is empty, we may need to open another. Or he may choose to wait until another time.
I know though, that no matter what, He will be right here with me. He will help me to arrange, throw out, display, etc. whatever is there. I am not alone, and for that I am so very thankful.
